Photo
of Author Tom Shepherd & Childhood Friends
Shepherd’s Twelfth Birthday Celebration
ranchers Tom & Carl
ranchers
self control is manly ~
self control is wisdom
Note:
The author is an alumnus of Universidad Nacional Autónoma de México, Missouri
Southern Community College, Crowder College, The American Academy of
Dramatic Arts and the College of Arts and Sciences and Graduate College of
the University of Oklahoma. During his youth, he served as president of an
Episcopal Church service organization, and as citizenship chairman and
president of a Joplin, Missouri Council of Churches interdenominational youth
organization. He spent a part of his early childhood years on a ranch – the
Childress ranch – in southwest Missouri owned and operated by friends of the
family, where – rising every morning at
4 a. m. – he learned the basic skills of ranching. Ranchers
Carl Childress & Tom Blaise Shepherd – 1950.
Tom is a veteran of the U.S. Marine Corps Reserve and the United
States Coast Guard. He has also worked as a newspaper copy boy and reporter, as
an oilfield roustabout and roughneck, as a truck driver (hauling gravel, sod
and fertilizer), as a car jockey and parking lot attendant, as an actor, as a
liquid salad maker, busboy and waiter, as a ranch caretaker, as a construction
worker, as a landscaper, as the architect and builder of his own two-story cabin,
as a furniture builder and as an urban planner. He served as a consultant and
assistant planning director of the Ozark
Gateway Regional Planning Commission and Law Enforcement Assistance
Council, and as a mental health rehabilitation counselor, as a case manager and
as an advisory board member for mental health agencies in Los Angeles County.
In 1970, Tom published The Investor’s Handbook on
Mexico, a handbook for foreigners desiring to live, work and/or study
in Mexico. His wife, recipient of a mathematics award during her college days,
was at the time a head librarian of the University of California Biomedical
Library at La Jolla.
Tom Blaise Shepherd is the founder of the American Gentile
Anti-Defamation League and The Tom Blaise Shepherd Existential Society of
America, both concerns created for the purpose of exposing human rights abuse
in psychiatry, in the military and in other branches of government and
industry. He is the founder-chancellor of the Shepherd-Montessori
Institute, a cyberspace educational concern. This is his own story.
The author’s pen and professional handles, by the way, also
include Tom Widmark and Tommy Separdi.
The
Author’s Parents’ Home in 1938
The
Year of His Birth
____
While I was undergoing boot training with the United States Coast
Guard at Cape May, New Jersey during the spring and summer of 1957, while I was
a naïve, impressionable 18-year-old, my Coast Guard classmates and I were persuaded
during a classroom lecture by our instructor to engage in rectal intercourse –
official policy. The rectum, we were informed, is the “cleanest organ in the
human body.” Rectal intercourse, we
were misinformed was supposedly the safest form of intercourse.
Incidentally, there were no females attached to any of the ships or duty
stations to which I was assigned. I thus became a victim of annoying verbal and
physical overtures by some of my shipmates, invariably shipmates with whom I
did not desire to have any form of sexual contact. Homosexuality among sailors
is a fact of life. However, there is a world of difference between discreet,
mutually consensual relationships between two men and publicly embarrassing
harassment.
Homosexuality is a type of behavior that is learned through indoctrination,
through persuasion, as is heterosexuality, although all people are vulnerable
to such persuasions. As a result of severe social, religious and criminal
sanctions against homosexual behavior, stemming from ancient Jewish, Christian
and Islamic rhetoric, intelligent individuals are understandably not likely to
admit to having engaged in actual homosexual behavior.
Celibacy is the best policy. Self-control is sanity. – The
Author
_________
Review and
Commentary of
Biography and
Film, A Beautiful Mind
by Tom Blaise Shepherd
The
melodramatic movie “A Beautiful
Mind” was VERY loosely based on a biography of brilliant mathematician and
Nobel Prize winner John Forbes Nash, written by Sylvia Nasar and rewritten for
the screen by a not-so-honest male screenwriter, apparently unable to deal with
reality and the facts presented to him and to the producer and director of the
movie. Nash was first hospitalized for schizophrenia when he was 30 years of
age – seven years after he had completed his master work – a game theory of
economics – for which he was awarded the Nobel Prize in 1994 – some forty years
later.
Had
his insanely jealous colleagues not attempted to mock him and to slight him,
Nash no doubt would have been awarded the Nobel Prize years before.
The
movie in fact merely reinforces stereotypical myths regarding male sexuality
AND schizophrenia, thus perpetuating misconceptions. The movie – purported to
be based on fact, is in fact a lie – an intentional lie – which even John Nash
himself and every surviving member of his family – of his two families – knows
to be a lie.
John
Nash had two wives, a son by each wife. He also had an intense (yet open)
amorous relationship with another man, Jack Bricker, a math colleague, that
lasted about five years. Nash’s friendship with Bricker reportedly began
following the birth of his first son, John David Stier by his common law –
wife, Eleanor Stier, and his abandonment of the two of them. However, the
Nash-Bricker friendship was ongoing at the time Nash met Alicia Larde, the
woman who was to later become his Church-sanctioned wife.
Nash’s
common-law wife, Eleanor Steir, and his son by her (both of whom he
neglected) were conveniently omitted
from the movie script, as was his male friend and colleague Jack Bricker. The
melodramatic Halloween-like special effects only further confused the viewer.
John
Nash’s so-called symptoms [of schizophrenia] seemingly developed following
his arrest, at the age of 26, during the summer of 1954 by plain-clothes male
vice squad officers, one a decoy, that entrapped him in a men’s rest room (at 2
a. m.) in Palisades Park, a/k/a Will Rogers Beach, in the Santa Monica area.
Nash
was allegedly charged with “indecent exposure” by arresting officer John Otto
Mattson. Nash did not lure the plain-clothes officer. Apparently, it was the
plain-clothes officer that aggressively attempted to lure Nash by flirting with
Nash while Nash was standing at a urinal.
Mattson
afterwards promptly notified Nash’s employer, the Rand Corporation. As a result,
John Nash was considered a ‘security risk’ and thus fired from his job as a
scientist with the Rand Corporation. Typical McCarthyism smear tactics.
The
U. S. government was hell bent on ridding our nation of all so-called
homosexuals – of driving them out of town, as it were. Ironically, what Nash
himself knows and what all other intelligent men know is that there is a
homoerotic side to EVERY man, including the police officers that make a career
out of luring and entrapping vulnerable men in public restrooms or other
places. No wonder Nash afterwards attempted to renounce his American
citizenship.
John
Nash’s symptoms of schizophrenia supposedly surfaced following his arrest. Such
psychological stressors (i.e. the humiliating experiences of being denied
recognition by his colleagues, of police entrapment – being arrested for
allegedly engaging in ‘indecent exposure’ at a men’s public urinal – by
imposters – and then afterwards losing
a job as a scientist) are common precipitating factors in the onset of
schizophrenia. The entire episode is related in chapter 25 (The Arrest) of Sylvia Nasar’s biography A Beautiful Mind – pp 184-189.
Prior
to his arrest, Nash had sired a son, named John David Stier, at the beginning
of a courtship with a nurse, Eleanor Stier, approximately five years older than
he, a son he refused to honor by having his own sir-name placed on his son’s
birth certificate, although he indeed recognized him as his son – a son that
Eleanor placed in foster homes during his early years as a result of having no
husband to support her while she herself worked for a living. John Forbes Nash
was at the time hobnobbing, for the most part, with the group of well-connected
intelligentsia that he worked, studied and taught mathematics with in the Ivy
League community.
About
two years after his arrest for ‘indecent exposure,’ Nash reportedly married
Alicia Larde (scion of an elite French family who established homes in
Louisiana and Central America) at St. John’s Episcopal Church in Washington, D.
C., by whom he fathered a second son, named John Charles Nash. Alicia was also
a mathematician and physicist. In fact, she was one of only 17 female physics
majors at MIT at the time. She reportedly also worked as a music librarian at
MIT.
It
was while Alicia was pregnant with their son that Nash was first hospitalized
by Alicia at a psychiatric institution in Boston. She reportedly was disturbed
over the fact that Nash was painting black dots on a wall of their home.
Colleagues reportedly were disturbed over the fact that Nash was scribbling
mathematical formulas on the blackboards or walls of MIT and claiming that a
picture of the Pope on the cover of a national news magazine was actually a
picture of Nash himself in disguise.
Alicia
later divorced him, charging him with having abandoned and neglected her and
their son. Of course, Alicia herself had abandoned John by having him
incarcerated in a mental institution, where he was drugged and subjected to a
variety of other barbaric forms of psychiatric treatment. John indeed
countercharged Alicia with having abandoned him – by confining him to the snake pit, as it were, and thus checkmating
him out.
Alicia,
it would seem, also aided and abetted John in neglecting his son by his prior
relationship with Eleanor Stier.
Prior
to his receiving the Nobel Prize, Alicia took John in, as it were, as a
boarder, as a result of his having been relegated to a virtually homeless
existence as a result of Alica’s own actions – in having him locked up (and
treated with brain-assassinating drugs) in a psychiatric institution, although
he had never mistreated Alicia in any way. Following the publication of Sylvia
Nasar’s biography of Nash, Alicia and John remarried.
John
Nash’s alleged five-year relationship with Jack Bricker, also a mathematician,
yet two years younger than Nash, is documented by Sylvia Nasar in Chapter 24 (Jack)
of her biography, a biography written FOR Alicia Esther Larde Nash, as stated a
the beginning of the book, first published in 1998 by Simon & Schuster.
I
shall repeat myself: The movie version of A
Beautiful Mind is a lie, an intentional lie, a fabrication – a delusion –
as it were by Screenwriter Goldsman. God forbid, that homophobic Hollywood
should ever tell the truth, especially about the universal nature of male
sexuality.
John
Nash did NOT suffer from delusions of persecution. He was a victim of
reality – of ongoing real-life persecution –
of abject cruelty – of mockery – by his colleagues and by law
enforcement voyeurs. He was also – quite possibly – a victim of anti-gentilism.
According
to Sylvia Nasar’s biography, Nash was in fact being stalked by U. S. Navy
intelligence agents while he was traveling in Europe.
It
bears repeating that a significant number of the perhaps most manly of heterosexual
men – to include law enforcement officials, judges and prosecuting attorneys –
engage in homosexual relationships, as well as in clandestine male-male sexual
experiences during their youthful years. That is normal.
What
is abnormal – or queer – is for an undercover, plain-clothes police officer to
be loitering in a public rest room urinal in order to make an arrest for
‘indecent exposure’ – especially at 2 o’clock in the morning.
Was
John Forbes Nash perhaps being stalked and set up for a bust by jealous
adversaries? Most probably.
Thus,
the delusions, as portrayed in the movie, were not those of John Forbes Nash,
but the fantasies of the writer of the screenplay, Avika Goldsman, fantasies
reinforced by the movie’s director, Ron Howard, squeaky clean child star of the
popular sitcom Mayberry and squeaky clean teen star of the popular
sitcom Happy Days, and by the special effects crew.
What
was and is no doubt especially disturbing to John Nash’s son (John David Stier)
by his first wife (Eleanor Stier, his common-law wife) is the fact that John
David Stier’s own existence is not even mentioned in the film, nor is his
mother’s. John David Stier himself eventually obtained a Ph. D. from Rutgers.
John
Charles Nash, John Forbes Nash’s son by Alicia, also eventually developed
schizophrenia or was diagnosed with the condition known as schizophrenia.
The
Avika Goldsman movie was intended to mask the truth about John Nash, about
Nash’s sexuality, about male sexuality in general, and about behavior characterized
as schizophrenia.
A
superior and more up-front (VHS and DVD) documentary of the life of John Nash,
void of the Hollywood type Halloween special effects, entitled A Brilliant
Madness does at least acknowledge the existence of Eleanor Steir and Nash’s
son by her, John David Stier, although no mention is made of the arrest for
‘indecent exposure’ or the existence of Nash’s colleague Bricker. According to
biographer Nasar (who did her own undergraduate study at Radcliffe), Bricker
and Nash kissed each other in public – on campus – most probably in a somewhat
humorous attempt to mock conventional middle class homophobia.
Quite obviously, John Forbes Nash was not only brilliant,
but he was known by his colleagues to mock or make light of conventionalities –
and for his somewhat devilish pranks. As for his own claim that he experienced auditory
hallucinations, only Nash himself knows the truth. There is no objective
method for knowing if anyone, in fact, actually experiences so-called auditory
hallucinations. Nash was no doubt persecuted because of his individuality.
John
Nash himself remarks, to some extent, I believe, sanity is merely a form of
conformity. Those individuals that do not conform to the norm are quite
commonly characterized as insane, even though they may indeed be more brilliant
than those diagnosing them as such.
Nash,
of course, was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize in 1994, for a mathematical game
theory he had worked out when he was only 23 years old, in about 1951, several
years before his first hospitalization for schizophrenia.
As Ralph Waldo Emerson has observed, society is against the manhood of every one of its members.
Generally speaking, what society commonly calls truth or reality is merely an
attempt to suppress truth and reality. The suppression is commonly reinforced
through superstitions of various kinds. The superstitions are commonly
reinforced through a variety of organized religions – mainstream religions:
If a man lies with
another man as he would lie with a woman, the two of them have committed an
abomination. They shall surely be put to death. Their blood shall be upon them. (The Book of Leviticus 20:13 of the
Holy Bible or of The Torah, the foundation of the Jewish and the
Judeo-Christian religions.) The Book of Leviticus, as well as other books of
the Old Testament or The Torah, also authorizes the right of the Children of
Israel (which can be either those who proclaim themselves Jewish OR Christian)
to hold as slaves and permanent property the men, women and children that dwell
amongst them and that are of the other Nations.
Thus, consensual same-gender love is condemned, while
slavery is mandated or authorized by the Jewish and Christian religions. The slave
is mandated (through Jewish and Christian doctrine, to turn the other cheek
when his master beats him.
Americans live in a society that historically has both
endorsed and condemned the institution of slavery. The religious of Judaism,
Christianity and Islam have all institutionalized the practice of slavery,
through adherence to the written word of either God or Allah. Thus Americans,
in general, are subjected to double-bind communication from an early age.
Double-bind communication, in which children are simultaneously taught to honor
two opposing sets of conduct, is, in the opinion of many at the root of
behavior commonly characterized as mental illness or bipolar disorder or
schizophrenia or neurosis.
For
further reading on the subject of schizophrenia I recommend the writings of
Silvano Arieti, M. D., winner of The National Book Award. One very timely 1979
publication by Arieti, titled Understanding and Helping the Schizophrenic,
I highly recommend. For more reading, I suggest Arieti’s much longer (756 pp) Interpretation
of Schizophrenia.
I
must admit that it is my own impression that even Arieti himself is not totally
honest about the psychiatric condition known as schizophrenia, nor is he
totally honest about the fact that there no doubt exists a homoerotic or
homosexual side (or dimension) to every mature man AND that so-called homophobia
(fear of being persecuted for having homosexual thoughts) is a characteristic
of virtually all people that live in a repressive, barbaric and
dishonest Jewish-Christian-Muslim society, in which laws and customs are based
more on superstition than on reality.
So-called
delusions and hallucinations of schizophrenics are characterized by Arieti, as
well as by myself, as often more metaphorical than actual – the voices
schizophrenics hear are either real voices or they are memories based on
real-life past traumatic experiences of the insensitive acts and words of
others – as Rod McKuen expressed in one of his poetic masterpieces, Listen
to the Warm – there are some wounds I never speak about – some things
that words have done to me that none will ever know.
Unfortunately,
Arieti’s very astute writing, regarding the psychodynamics of schizophrenia, is
no longer in vogue by the New Psychiatry. Sexuality – rather disturbance over
one’s sexuality as a result of pressures by society to deny one’s sexual
feelings – is no doubt a significant underlying factor in MOST diagnosed cases
of schizophrenia, although there is a NEW AGE tendency to suppress the evidence.
The
institution of psychiatry could not exist without the reinforcement of
homophobia and homophobia could not exist without the BIG LIE. I repeat, there
is not a mature man alive that does not privately indulge himself in homoerotic
fantasies! Any honest, forthright man – real man – would agree with me! –
Yours truly. TBS
celibacy is the best policy!
DO NOT EVEN CONSIDER ENLISTING IN ANY BRANCH
OF THE ARMED SERVICES UNTIL YOU HAVE COMPLETED
A COLLEGE EDUCATION (PREFERABLY 4 YEARS)
AND
ARE AT LEAST 24 YEARS OLD. PRIOr TO
THAT AGE, NOONE IS MATURE ENOUGH TO
EXERCISE SOUND JUDGMENT in signing a
contract with the department of defense.
enlisted men and women are treated as objects,
not as people, by the male and female military
officers in charge – and are likely to suffer
severe and
irreversible psychological damage as a
result of military regimentation.
VA psychiatrists are NOT honest people.
they are not interested in your welfare
unless your own dad happens to be a physician
or a high-ranking military officer!
Their job is to suppress evidence that
would entitle you to service-connected
disability compensation!
even if it is later determined that you
had a psychological handicap prior
to enlisting – a handicap that was not documented
at the time, the U. S. government is obligated
to award you at least a 50 percent
service-connected life disability pension
if you are discharged for a psychiatric
disability after serving your country.
NOTE: Although ALL venereal
infections (including gonorrhea) can be contracted through oral sex, as
well as through anal intercourse and vaginal intercourse, since
the appearance of the AIDS virus in about 1980, and the more recent appearance
of new and incurable strains of gonorrhea, NO man in his RIGHT MIND would
attempt to promiscuously engage in oral, anal or vaginal sex.
It is just not sane behavior. If you are a young man or a young woman and you
don’t want to put yourself at risk, then don’t hang out in places where
alcoholic beverages AND other drugs are available, and places where you are
likely to be propositioned by other males or females for promiscuous sex. The
only kind of safe sex is celibacy or abstinence. Say NO to alcohol, say NO to
recreational drugs and say NO to promiscuous sex. Alcoholic beverage
distributors are not your friends. Nor are tobacco distributors. Alcohol and
tobacco rapidly deplete testosterone levels, and impair one’s ability to
exercise sound judgment. They also damage other internal organs.
Myths and Realities
of Human Sexuality:
A List
of Myths & Comments by Tom Shepherd
REALITY
Alcohol and
marijuana reduce inhibitions.
However, they
also reduce testosterone levels
and the ability
to exercise sound judgment.
Physically and
mentally fit men are attracted
to other
physically and mentally fit men.
No male is
attracted to all males, nor to all females.
Celibacy is the
best policy.
1950
View of Author & Friends – 12th Birthday Another View & Update
1971
View of Author Author Tommy Separdi 1996 View of Author
View of Tom’s
Biological Father View of Author’s Stepdad
View
of Author’s Early Childhood Nanny: Veroa
Tom Blaise Shepherd and Carl Childress
My Childhood
By
Tom Blaise Shepherd
I had no father – no dad, no uncle, no grandad – for the first eleven years of my life.
My biological father, Dudley Eugene Blaise, was a mining engineer whose own dad, E. F. Blaise, was a well-to-do banker, oil baron (a former partner of Harry F. Sinclair and Charles J. Wrightsman), and mining engineer, as well as president of the mining company (Admiralty Zinc Co.) my dad worked for at the time he married my mom.
My dad’s great uncle, Bayard Taylor Hainer, had been appointed by President McKinley as Associate Supreme Court Justice of Oklahoma Territory in 1898, then later as chief counsel for the Federal Trade Commission (during the Coolidge Administration), and as general counsel for the U. S. Department of Agriculture. Another great uncle, Eugene Hainer, served two terms in Congress as a Republican Representative from Nebraska.
My dad’s great granddad, Ignace Hainer Madarasz, a lawyer, journalist, linguist, had served secretary to the Minister of Foreign Affairs and to the Premier of Hungary during the Hungarian War of Independence from the Austro-Hungarian Empire in 1848. After arriving in America in 1854, he was appointed a professor of modern languages at University of Missouri. He was later appointed to be a member of a grand jury in the State of Iowa.
Thus, my biological father was very well connected. His own mom and dad – my own paternal grandparents – aided and abetted him in dodging his responsibilities to my mom, to my older brother, and to me. I myself was thus placed in a checkmate situation from the day I was born.
My father – my biological father – had been married to my mom for four years prior to my birth. They exchanged vows at the First Presbyterian Church in Joplin, Missouri in December 1934. He abandoned my mom, my older brother and me at the time of my birth, taking with him my mom’s bankroll and her sanity. My mom, whose own dad had co-founded a plow factor and founded a pioneer interstate bus line prior to his somewhat sudden death in 1931, thus had to go to work outside the home before I was even weaned, as she had signed over to my father the portfolio of stocks she had inherited at his death. Basically, my father cleaned my mother out, leaving her and her mother (Gram) in a somewhat destitute situation. We gradually drifted into an impoverished situation.
My mom, my maternal grandmother, my brother, a year older, and I thus became neighborhood scapegoats during our childhood, since there was no adult male relative to act as a leveraging agent for us in the community. I witnessed, experienced atrocities – horrendous atrocities – committed against my mom, my grandmom, my older brother and me during my early developmental years that would likely permanently traumatize ANY individual for the remainder of one’s life. Our home was pelted with mudballs by neighbor boys. My grandmother was given the finger. My mom was repeatedly mocked by other men, as well as by women, while she was attempting to earn a living – as less than fair wages – our sole means of support.
I was trained to care for horses, to ride horses, to bail hay, to hunt and to herd cattle from the age of 9, when I spent my summers (during the month of August) at the Childress Ranch in Southwest Missouri with my best friend Carl Childress, who was orphaned at age 8. Thus, in a certain sense I was not entirely deprived of what must be every boy’s dream of the idyllic childhood. Carl and I shared a double bed (for sleeping) and we arose every morning at 4 a. m. to “saddle up our horses and ride and explore the back forty.” No one brow beat us to do what we did – to arise at 4 a.m. and head for the barn. We would return to the main house later on in the morning for breakfast, usually prepared by Jessie (Carl’s nanny). At the end of August, Carl’s Uncle Paul, his older sister, Jacqueline and her daughter Cindy (whose dad, a pilot, was killed in World War II, as was Carl’s older half brother), and Grandmother Childress would arrive and we would all celebrate Carl’s birthday with a Sunday afternoon dinner. Eventually, Carl’s cousins, Suzanne Childress Sharp and her husband Ray, who took over management of the ranch following his marriage to Suzanne, joined us.
When I was eleven, Mom remarried to a somewhat aloof, yet well-polished and debonair (on the surface), yet severely mentally disturbed and alcoholic Englishman, who was at the time treasurer and a member of the board of directors of a major Midwestern electric power corporation, where she herself had worked for one year as an evening shift PBX board operator, when she met him. Prior to her marriage to my father, she had graduated from a prestigious and elite woman’s college in the east known as National Park Seminary.
Prior to marrying Mr. Shepherd, mom also worked (during World War) as an office clerk at an Army base (Camp Crowder), as a pass inspector at Spencer Chemical Co., a war-contract munitions factory, then as an office manager and part-time nurse for a local physician (Sam Grantham, a childhood friend), and she worked as a producer and director of musical variety shows and for civic organizations throughout the USA. She had an exceptionally keen sense of rhythm and musical pitch and was a talented dancer, violinist and pianist. She studied the violin during her childhood under the tutelage of Rhetia Hesselberg, aunt of screen actor Melvin (Hesselberg) Douglas. Her childhood friends and neighbors included stage and screen actor Bob Cummings and Bob’s first wife, Emma Meyers (Gaines); stage and screen actor John (Bleidung) Beal; and stage and screen actor Iris (Dobson) Korn. She worked part time doing photographic retouching work for Iris Korn’s husband, Tom Korn.
My older brother and I organized and operated a summer neighborhood lawn-care service from the time I was eight years old. Our mom initially set up the contacts for us by going door to door. Afterwards, our service was somewhat expanded through mouth to mouth advertising. Most of the lawns we cared for were those of Jewish neighbors.
My stepdad, Mr. Shepherd, was already EXTREMELY and NOTICEABLY alcoholic prior to marrying my mom. Almost any time the two of them were together, prior to their marriage, both were (to me) noticeably under the weather. They enjoyed their cocktails during their leisure moments, as did their friends. Understandably, my mom was highly distressed over having been abandoned by my real dad and over the fact that she was repeatedly taken advantage of by other men, many of whom were men she worked for in order to try to earn a living for us.
Prior to his marriage to my mom, Mr. Shepherd (Shep) made a habit of accompanying me to the bathroom and urinating along with me. As a matter of fact, I kind of looked forward to the experience – a form of male bonding – whenever Shep was a guest in our home, usually on weekends
Frankly, I think Shep truly wanted to be a dad to my older brother and me from the onset, but that my mom would not permit the bonding to take place – out of her own insane jealousy. I found Shep – Dad – to be very good looking and manly from the onset and looked forward to his visits, secretly nourishing the idea of his eventually becoming my full-time dad.
Prior to meeting Shep, my mom – from the onset of my older brother’s life intentionally groomed him as a female – as my older sister – thus making a scapegoat of him in order to get back at our biological father and his dad for having abandoned the three of us. I might add, that my dad financially cleaned my mom out, as she had signed over to him the entirety of her somewhat meager 1931 inheritance from her own dad and grandmother. I believe that her underlying message was, “If you are not going to do the right thing and support us, both emotionally and financially, as a dad and granddad should then I shall see to it that your own namesake grows up to be a freak of sorts.” I was mom’s little boy and my older brother was, for a while, her little girl. For a brief period of time, she dressed both of us in female summer clothing, as you can see in the photo collage I have provided. My mom was a very bitter and angry woman. It showed.
Early Childhood Photos of Author & Older Brother
My older brother was named Dudley Eugene Blaise Jr. after our dad and our granddad, Eugene Frank Blaise. However, my mom nicknamed him “Sonny” from the onset and then changed his name on school records to John at the age of five when he began attending elementary school.
My mom’s actions, as well as my father’s and paternal grandparents actions, had the effect of depriving my older brother and me of normal male childhood development – by somewhat confusing both of us as to appropriate male-female roles – and in so doing, they (all of the above) would wreck havoc on our adult lives. We would also become the target of ongoing violent bullying by others – from an early age – both males and females. The bullying by others would no doubt only compound the inner turmoil both of us felt as adult men and interfere with our ability to solidify healthy relationships with other males and females. We both developed a condition that might best be characterized as borderline schizophrenia.
Ironically, after he married my mom, Shep quickly became my brother’s and my adversary as a result of my mom’s warped way of thinking – thus preventing my brother and me from bonding with our stepdad in a father-son relationship. I do believe that from the onset of their marriage, my mom did not see any hopes of the marriage enduring and therefore did not want to jeopardize the security she found through my brother and me. She did not want to lose us. Thus, she kept us tied to her, primarily for her own security purposes. To a certain extent, we were pawns. We were, all of us – my mom, my older brother and our maternal grandmother – somewhat hopelessly entrapped in a checkmate position.
My stepdad had difficulty adjusting to living with a woman (my mom) who had grown up in a somewhat privileged and feminist environment. He had difficulty relating to her friends, all of them from somewhat similar families. He was somewhat of an outsider himself, having grown up in a working class immigrant family in Brooklyn, New York. He thus preferred the company of other men and therefore, prior to his marriage to my mom, he spent a good deal of time drinking at the Elks Club bar with other men during the evening hours. He tended to prefer the company of other immigrant Englishmen or Jewish businessmen. He did not relate well to the low-brow, artsy-craftsy crowd. One of my mom’s best female friends, Julia, was married to a somewhat low-brow obnoxious, boorish, loud and somewhat effeminate interior decorator and I know Shep loathed being around the man – and especially loathed the idea of him and his wife coming to our home. Neither my brother nor I liked having him in our home any more than did our stepdad. The Wallaces were both pathetic victims of alcohol dependency and were not a healthy influence on either our parents or on my brother and me. They only compounded our misery.
Ironically, Julia’s sister was married to a Dr. Winfred Post, an extremely high-brow physician, who I surmised was as repulsed with the behavior of his brother-in-law as were my stepdad, my brother and I – and virtually everyone else in town, to include the Wallaces’ own daughter and son – friends of mine.
Because of my mom’s at-times irritable and domineering attitude, to include her insistence on inviting the Wallaces to our home, Shep continued his habit of going to the Elks Club bar after they were married. The fact is that no one else would come, even when they were invited, once they became aware of the situation that existed. Once, when Shep hadn’t yet arrived home from the Elks Club at bedtime, she insisted I come into their bedroom and sleep on his side of the bed for the express purpose of creating a scene. Although I was opposed to the idea, I reluctantly complied, only to be later awakened by my stepdad, when he came in, flicked on the bedroom light, then accusingly remarked, “Taking my place in your mother’s bed!” I was then 12 years old.
Several months later my mom told me that Shep told her he wanted a divorce and she told me that he had told her that I was the reason, primarily because I had repeatedly expressed by disappointment (to my mom) that neither of them seemed able to spend an evening or weekend at home together without getting so sloshed out of their minds that they could not walk straight or speak coherently! However, Shep himself never indicated to me that he had asked her for a divorce. Such is the type of situation I was placed in by my mom AND my stepdad from the onset of their marriage.
I was used as a weapon – as a scapegoat – by my mom and by my stepdad. I was also used as a weapon – as a scapegoat – by others – mostly females – that held personal grudges against my mom. My own identity as a human being – and as a male – was virtually squashed. I was not Shep’s son or stepson. I was, for him, “The Little Bastard.” Although he several years later told me, when we were alone – a year before he committed suicide – that he felt I was the only sane member of the family.
Mom repeatedly interrupted our conversations at the dinner table, falsely terming our father-son conversations as “arguments.” She would self-righteously put an end to any stimulating talk by stating, “No arguing at the dinner table.” They were not arguments. They were very stimulating, intellectual discussions, discussions that my mom was apparently incapable of following. When my older brother John attempted to emulate our stepdad’s method of eating – typically European – my mother squelched my brother, falsely claiming our stepdad’s very appropriate – and manly – European method of holding his fork was “bad manners.” Ironically, my mom was the one who had bad manners. I witnessed her to be rude, not only to my stepdad, but also to her own mother, to my brother and me and even to total strangers. She was also meddlesome. She, of course, considered herself to be above reproach – to be the epitome of propriety or good breeding. If my mom and stepdad ever had a romantic-sexual relationship, I was never aware of it.
Furthermore, she absolutely refused to purchase butter for my stepfather, insisting that he use her oleo-margarine as a spread, claiming she was looking out for his health. Shep was paying the bills. Shep was the provider, yet she treated him as if he was merely a boarder.
Within the first year of their marriage, Shep emptied his bottle of beer over my head while I was rigging my fishing line merely because I showed a look of disappointment that he had brought beer along on a family outing to the country. By that time I had already developed an intense abhorrence over the sight of a martini glass or a beer bottle in anyone’s hand, especially in the hand of my parents or their closest friends, realizing what the contents could do to one’s brain.
Instead of teaching me how to box after he and my mom bought my brother and me boxing equipment – a punching bag and gloves – he instead used me as his own punching bag, for mental and physical abuse, apparently realizing that had he taught me skills for defending myself, neither he nor would any other male or female have ever been in a position to take advantage of me – to verbally and physically assault and batter me (to include verbal and physical sexual assaults).
What I did not have during my early childhood or during my adolescence was a dad to occasionally sleep with, a dad to express close physical affection with, a dad to practice baseball and football with, and a dad to talk to me – a dad to reassure me that he cared about me. My mom wouldn’t hear of it! As I said, I had NO dad. I suffered a severe emotional void in NOT having had a dad. I obviously envied the close, affectionate relationships some of my childhood male friends had with their own dads and/or their granddads. I was falsely led to believe, by some individuals, that a close affectionate relationship between a boy and his father is not a healthy relationship, when in fact the opposite is true. I was also taught, by some, that my expressed childhood and adult desire to have a close, affectionate relationship with my own dad was a sign that I was a freak of sorts.
The
fact is that a boy that is the beneficiary of a close, affectionate
relationship with his own dad is less likely to turn to older men outside the
home for such affection and is therefore less likely to become a victim
of sexual assault – or pederasty – by other older and more experienced males. A
child or young adult victim of pederasty generally – through gentle coercion by
a masculine and attractive older man – or through mental and physical
incapacitation as a result of alcoholic beverages or clandestinely administered
sedatives – thus unwittingly enables himself to be violated in exchange for
living out a childhood fantasy of a father-son relationship. Such a victim –
who is basically suffering from a form of schizophrenia – is typically
persuaded to thence identify himself as gay, even though such a
relationship is not consensual.
I had crushes on girls from an early age. Romantic fantasies and crushes! No, I did not enjoy playing dolls with girls, nor did I enjoy doing what is called ‘girlie things.’ My interests were typical ‘boy’ interests: My favorite toys were my miniature cars and trucks, my miniature gas station, my tool table with tools, my drawing and architectural drafting tools, my architectural model building tools, my printing press and my camping equipment. I was also fascinated with doll houses, as is any normal male child – especially one that ultimately becomes a carpenter or architect. I was equally fascinated with my Lone Ranger kit – to include a map, a Lone Ranger badge and other Lone Ranger memorabilia. My tricycle, trail blazer and bicycle were my sources of transportation, when I was not at the Childress ranch during the summertime, when my horse or one of the ranch pickup trucks was my principle source of transportation.
I had a teddy bear to sleep with; so did most other boys in the neighborhood!
During my early years, I actually lived out my fantasies of being an actor, director, architect and newspaper publisher by performing by myself in our family basement recreation room, by designing and building my own miniature cardboard buildings and by printing out (on my printing press) my family newspapers. I also spent a good deal of time observing carpenters building or remodeling other houses in the neighborhood. During the summer months, I planted and harvested my own vegetables in a backyard garden and my brother and I operated a neighborhood lawn-care service. I also fantasized about being a cowboy.
My six-year-old girlfriend’s dad remodeled their own house, a project I observed from the onset – from start to finish. He also repaired – and taught me how to repair – my trailblazer when it needed repairing and he taught his daughter and me how to dive. During the winter months, he took the two of us sleigh riding. Thus, he became a positive male role-model of sorts for me at a time when I indeed needed a positive role model. He in fact was the most positive role model I had during my early developmental years.
I daydreamed a lot about growing up, getting married to his daughter, my then childhood girlfriend, Susan, a year younger than I, being a daddy to our own kids, then earning a living as an architect, publisher and/or farmer. My mom did indeed also encourage my romantic relationship with Susan, to the point of attempting to teach us how to ballroom dance together. (She herself was an accomplished dancer and directed musical variety shows while I was between the ages of 8 and 11, when she married Shep). Thus, in spite of my mom’s tendency to groom my older brother as a female – until her own friends intervened in an attempt to discourage the practice prior to his beginning to attend kindergarten – she seemingly encouraged me, from the onset, in a more male heterosexual direction.
During grade school, my brother’s primary passions were guns, chemistry, breeding hamsters and building things – to include a fort in our back yard. His preferred attire was cowboy – very cowboy – all cowboy. He also became infatuated with attractive girls – the most attractive ones – although few would date him, as he was earmarked an oddball with protruding ears. Because he scored higher than any of his fourth grade classmates on an achievement test, he was also dubbed (in a mocking way) “The Professor.” A birth defect made it difficult to walk in a “normal manner” – ironically he walked as if he were sprinting – as a jock – as he was unable to place his heel solidly on the ground – due to abnormally short ligaments, a condition later corrected by two surgical procedures when he was in junior high school.
By the time my older brother was a senior in high school, he was extraordinarily male. He had a deep voice, well developed musculature, very masculine mannerisms and took place in a Southwest Missouri regional men’s archery tournament. He was also, anatomically, well endowed – a fact that the other boys – the jocks – were well aware of – some of whom openly made comments to the fact in the country club pool house.
It was my own observation that the only
individuals that ever made light of my older brother were males who envied the
fact that he was more manly than they were, or they were competitive, somewhat
mannish-type females that in reality were no more romantically interested in
men than men were interested in them. In later life, I became aware that the
same held true for me – those males that attempted to undermine my self-esteem
as a male were the least manly of all males – those females that attempted to
undermine my self-esteem were the least desirable females – females more
desirous of competing against males than in becoming romantically involved with
males.
It should
be pointed out that government-police statistics reveal that MOST child abuse
is perpetrated by females – by dominant females – not by males. So why is it
that the public is made to believe otherwise? Perhaps because female authority
figures – clinical psychologists and social workers – tend to dominate the
media on the subject of child and sexual abuse. Most sex offenders ARE female,
although they are the least likely individuals to be charged as such. Most male
sex offenders, it seems, were victims of early childhood abuse by females, not
by males.
Interestingly, I frequently observe the following sign printed on the back of police vehicles – THERE IS NO EXCUSE FOR DOMESTIC VIOLENCE. The fact is, as we all know, there is no excuse for any kind of violence, especially police violence. However, most violence in our society IS violence initiated BY police officers, both male and female, both on-duty and off-duty, not against police officers.
All violence in our society results from military and police training programs – programs that intentionally desensitize recruits to violence – in order to make them more willing to engage in violence against others – to kill. How ironic! How ironic!
Read what Lt. Col Dave Grossman (West Point
professor) has to say about this. There is no question, says Colonel Grossman,
that the seeds of violence in our society are sown in military and police
academies. Ironically, the most highly valued military men and police officers
are those who have a lust for violence. Virtually all people behind prison bars
on assault charges are victims of violence – of the violence taught in
our military and police academies. How ironic! How ironic!
All
boys – all men – are taught from the time they are mere children that if a male
does not engage himself in combat – in violence – that he is a pansy – that he
is a coward – that he is not worthy of being called a man. Yet, it is an
ironic, yet poetic, fact that in virtually all so-called civilized societies, a
male is branded a pansy until such moment as he fights back, when he is
branded a felon, then permanently stripped of his civil rights. Think
about it! Society indeed breeds its criminals!
Unfortunately, I did not inherit my mom’s musical ability, although I did indeed develop an appreciation for music of all kinds. I was enrolled at a piano school from an early age, although I had great difficulty playing the piano, perhaps as much difficulty as I had at playing most sports. My eye-hand co-ordination was very poor – and I significantly lagged behind my peers – most of whom were not only proficient at playing musical instruments, but also proficient at sports of all kinds.
The only childhood award I ever took in sports was an award for The Most Improved Golfer in 1953, while I was a member of the Junior Golf Association at Twin Hills Country Club in Joplin. The golf pro at the time was Art Wadkins. The Wadkins family, to include Art’s brother (golf pro at La Gorce Country Club in Florida) and his nephews, were internationally acclaimed professional golfers. Swimming and surfing were the only two sports I ever excelled in.
My favorite attire from a young age was cowboy hats, jeans and boots – spending some of my summers with one of my best friends at a Southwest Missouri ranch owned and operated by his family, who were also (as were my family) engaged in the mining business. From the sixth grade through high school, my classmates and I were into square dancing and hayrides through the Ozarks. Later on, as a young man, I worked as a roustabout for a petroleum company in an oil field on a ranch in north Texas -- Muenster.
When I was about 9 years old two neighbor girls (both a
year older than I) came to my home with two younger brothers of one of them in order
to teach my brother (a year older than I) and me how to play Spin the Milk
Bottle. Because there were only two girls, yet four boys, the girls determined
that the two younger brothers of one of the girls alternate playing the role of
a girl by wearing his older sister’s headscarf.
At a later time when all of us were involved
in a neighborhood outdoor game of Kick the Can one evening, one of the younger
boys grabbed his sister’s headscarf and began running over to me, attempting to
kiss me. It was just a joke. However, the boy’s mother, a certain Mrs. Perkins,
later attempted to malign me [as a scapegoat] by suggesting that it was I, not
his older sister, that had initiated the idea of her younger brothers
pretending to be a girl by wearing her head scarf.
The fact is that all of us boys were
somewhat influenced by the manipulative tactics of two older girls. A good
lesson in the fact that sexual behavior is learned – through conditioning, and
that female children can significantly affect or even perhaps permanently alter
another child’s psychosexual behavioral development, as can adults. Parents can
also significantly influence strong guilt feelings in their children and
inappropriate finger pointing – often at a totally innocent victim or victims of
their own children’s totally innocent forms of child play.
Interestingly, the first two boys, childhood friends, that attempted to actually engage me in sex from the age of 11, (following my mother’s marriage to Mr. Shepherd) were the sons of prominent physicians, and both quite typically were in the habit of humiliating and expressing contempt and scorn for other males they claimed were ‘homosexual’ or ‘queer,’ as was the parent of one of the boys. One of the two claimed his mom would not allow him to play in the highly rated high school orchestra (he played the violin) because she had heard that the director, whose own dad had founded the local YMCA, was “a homosexual.” Obviously, I was extremely confused about their contradictory behavior. Because I was not desirous of accommodating them and other males in actual sex acts, a few of them later severely humiliated me – and girls I was dating – in public and traumatized me in other ways as punishment for NOT engaging in sex with them. However, their behavior was and is for the most part typical male behavior. Society reinforces the behavior.
I do think that some of the attempts by other males to humiliate me were forms of insane jealousy on their part – jealousy over the fact that I was perhaps not only more skillful in schmoozing certain females than were they, but also that that certain girls preferred dating me to dating them. They were ALL well aware that I was VERY heterosexual in my orientation. At the time I did not at all understand what homosexuality really was, as I had never actually experienced homosexual feelings. Commonly used expletives such as “queer” in reference to another male were simply commentaries on the way a male acted or talked OR simply a way of attempting to antagonize another male. As I said, I had never actually experienced sexual feelings for another male until after I had joined the Marine Corps Reserve, when I was seductively groped by another male.
I had been indoctrinated, during my Marine
Corps Reserve training, as were other members of my platoon, into engaging in a
form of male prostitution for the purpose of “making extra money.” The Marine
Corps Reserve Unit at Joplin, Missouri thus also served as a U. S. Government
School for Male Prostitution and Pickpocketing. Our instructor was Corporal
Harmon, a college student at Kansas State Teachers College.
After soliciting another male for sexual purposes, we were informed by Corporal Harmon, you then go with him to a hotel and while he is bent over in front of you attempting to service you, you remove his wallet from his hip pocket. That way, a youthful, physically fit Marine presumably would kill two birds with one stone.
It’s so much more enterprising to hustle other males, according to Corporal Harmon, then to spend all of your own hard-earned money (and not very much at that) and all of your evening on some boring chick, whose primary intention is to hustle a Marine out of what little money he has by buying her drinks, etc. etc. at some sleazy military-approved nightclub, and especially if you’re too young to be served alcoholic beverages at a nightclub. Teenage Marine recruits were, of course, not paid very well! We were the peons – the servants of the male and female brass! We were expected to salute them and kiss their ass – on a regular basis. We were also expected to serve their food on a silver platter, and then clean their toilets for them. Think I’m joking? I am not!
Although I was invited to spend the night with many of my childhood and adolescent male friends – at least a half dozen of them – when we invariably shared a bed, I was never interested in engaging in sex with any of them – in fact, the idea never even crossed my mind as I did not become sexually aroused when around other males, although several of them attempted to engage me and others in mutual masturbation. They seemingly became very frustrated and confused because I was unable to obtain an erection with any of them. My libido was unwaveringly fixated on females – on attractive females or females that indicated to me that they were romantically inclined in my direction, not some cold, spiteful female that someone else attempted to hook me up with merely because no other male desired to ask her out.
There
is indeed a lot of irony in view of the fact that I had no dad from the onset,
yet that I nevertheless developed very strong sexual feelings for females from
the onset – and that my sexual attraction for males did not develop until after
I had enlisted in the Marine Corps Reserve and the Coast Guard during my later
teen years, when I began experiencing ongoing sexual harassment by my superior
officers and shipmates while closely confined with them, as well as by civilian
strangers, to include seductive frotteurism and groping, which is how ALL males
ultimately become oriented to homosexual behavior.
While serving in the United States Coast Guard, I was endlessly persecuted by my shipmates – a mere handful of shipmates – indeed not the majority of them – merely because I did not respond to their sexual invitations and they resultantly apparently felt scorned. The persecution included annoying sexual advances – frotteurism – made to me by my immediate supervisor, Petty Officer David Synnott, while I was attempting to perform my duties as a radio operator – as well as demoralizing remarks. I had no problems with the regular dudes I was serving with, with those who shared my own values. It was the ones that had no sense of boundaries that were causing all the trouble for me, the ones that had no regard for the rights and feelings of others. They seemingly couldn’t stand the fact that I was relatively clean-cut and selective – that I preferred a private and committed relationship away from the ship with one female rather than to place myself in a risky and compromising situation with any of my male shipmates or even with a civilian male.
My own goal – and I was at the time engaged to a girl I had met at college, a female I was head over heels crazy about – was to marry and father children of my own. It had been my life’s dream – from early childhood. I was corresponding with several girls I had dated during high school or during college – prior to my enlistment in the Coast Guard. Quite frankly, I was more or less engaged to several girls – old high school or college flames – all of them from well-connected families. One of my flames was, at the time, in law school at the University of Mexico. Another was attending a Coropus Christi junior college – her own deceased father a prominent lawyer – her uncle president of a major petroleum corporation – Warren Petroleum Co. – a subsidiary of Gulf. Three others were attending colleges in Missouri. There is no doubt about the fact that I was popular with other boys, as well as with girls – with other males, as well as with females. I thus could afford to be selective. However, I enjoyed my popularity. The name of the game is choice – free choice!
During
my Coast Guard tour of duty – between the ages of 18 and 21 – I was deprived of
choice – of free choice. I was forced into a form of white slavery – indentured
servantry – that was the cause of my gradual downward social mobility and
resultant severe ego impoverishment. Ironically, the years I served my country
were the peace years. America was not at the time involved in any major world
war or conflict. The Korean conflict was past history. The Vietnam conflict had not yet surfaced. I
was thus not a victim of enemy fire – nor was I a prison of war. I was a victim
of my comrades, of my degenerate comrades – the officers in charge and the
seamen with whom I was confined aboard ship and the psychopathic shore patrol
officers ashore – I was a victim of the dehumanizing military code of justice –
in which those – such as myself – at the bottom of the pecking order – have
virtually no rights – no options -- no significant choices.
My blueprints for male behavior, as well as for female behavior, were well laid out for me on the silver screen – the movies I watched at the local ‘picture show’ during my childhood. My heroes included Clark Kent (Superman), Batman and Robin (Clark had Lois as his sidekick, Batman had Robin as his sidekick), Richard Widmark and Cornel Wilde.
James Dean’s short rise to stardom (East of Eden, Rebel Without a Cause and Giant) took place during my high school days. He died in an automobile crash at the beginning of my senior year of high school. However, I did not see any of his films until after I graduated from high school. I watched Rebel Without a Cause at a movie house in Mexico City during my freshman year of college at the University of Mexico. I was accompanied by my girlfriend at the time, Blanca, also a student at the University. The two of us later became engaged.
During my childhood and early adolescence I had dated, gone steady with, lots of girls. I was not what was/is called gay, promiscuously sexually active with other males, in any way, shape or form. I had never been actively involved in the pursuit of other males for sex, although I had indeed been hit on by other males in high school classrooms (including in an ROTC classroom) and in YMCA gym and dormitory shower facilities. However, I was a victim of occasional grab-assing (frotteurism) by other males, much of it downright annoying, and I received sexual invitations from other males – regular guys, those least likely to be characterized as ‘homosexual’ or as ‘queer.’ The word ‘gay’ was not used – at least in the community where I grew up. In fact, I had never heard the word ‘gay’ used in reference to male homosexuality until the early 1960s, when I was in my early twenties.
Interestingly, the word ‘gay’ was not
originally used to signify homosexual behavior, per se, but rather
bohemian behavior – any type of romantic-sexual behavior outside of
contemporary marriage – whether between a male and female or between two males.
In fact, the word – in reference to romantic-sexual behavior had its origins in
France, where bohemian people were considered chic.
Ironically, the so-called ‘flamboyant queen’ was not the one likely to make sexual overtures to me or any other dude, although he was vulnerable to homophobic-type remarks by the other dudes – largely behind his back for his failure to measure up and act more macho, as it were. A regular guy is more likely to make sexual advances to a regular guy than to a ‘flamboyant queen.’ Flamboyant queens, however, rarely volunteer for active duty with the Armed Services.
It is as plain and simple as that. However, the goal of some of my shipmates was to do everything possible to mentally confuse me, to undermine my values and my self-esteem and to thereby thwart my goals. Thus, the ongoing situation interfered with my ability to perform my duties as a Coastguardsman and resulted in my suffering a schizophrenic breakdown.
How
Marine Corps Reserve Leaders Betrayed Me
–
Attempted to Corrupt Me & Other Teenagers –
–
I Was Brainwashed –
To repeat myself because it bears repeating, prior
to enlisting in the Coast Guard, I had enlisted (at the age of 17) during the
spring semester of my senior year at Joplin High School in a Marine Corps
Reserve officer candidate program under the then leadership of a certain Major
Pottenger, an obese (grossly overweight) yet mentally defective middle-aged
male.
During Marine Reserve training in the spring
of 1956, while I was still enrolled in high school, the other members of my
platoon and I were instructed by our platoon leader, Corporal Harmon, then enrolled
as a college student at Kansas State Teachers College, on methods for engaging
in mugging of civilian males for extra cash. We were encouraged to solicit sex
from civilian men during upcoming summer training at Camp Pendleton in
California by – when off duty and on a pass – engaging so-called ‘queers’ in
eye contact and idle conversation, while off-base, then going with them to
their home or a hotel room and while the dude was ‘bent over’ to remove his
wallet from his pocket, then run.
Harmon, who was not joking, was in
fact speaking from his own experience. He was very much a well-seasoned male
prostitute and pickpocket. Corporal Harmon, of course, was a ‘regular guy.’ All
male prostitutes, of course, identify themselves as ‘straight’ and quite obviously
derive a great deal of ‘homoerotic’ pleasure in their activity with other males
– whatever that may be.
Prior to enrolling in the Marine Corps
Reserve program, I had been victimized by a certain Larry Gindling (who had
played the male romantic lead in the junior class play) in an ROTC classroom,
as Larry attempted to ‘corn-hole’ me while I was standing in line attempting to
exit the classroom at the end of the session – by pressing or thrusting his
abdomen up against my butt. My commentary: Prior to that incident, Gindling had
pointed out to me and a group of other male classmates that some older man was
in the habit of staring at his balls, as Gindling phrased it. Gindling, of
course, was no doubt in the habit of staring at other dudes’ balls, as well as
making outright physical sexual advances to other dudes. There would be little
doubt in the mind of any intelligent, adult male that Gindling himself had,
prior to his ever having met me, become accustomed to engaging in sex with
other males after having been initiated into the practice by another perhaps
older and more experienced male.
Betrayed by Coast Guard Officers & Psychiatrists
I was still a virtual teenager – having just turned 20 when I was first hospitalized at Baltimore. However, I was betrayed by my country, as the criminally negligent shrinks that examined me (I later realized) did not report on my medical records the truth of what had happened to me – that I was indeed a victim, not of a disease, not so much of poor parenting, but of ongoing abject cruelty, including sexual assault and aggravated battery, by certain undesirable shipmates, a situation enabled by the criminally negligent officers in charge. I was also victimized by civilians, mostly female civilians – hustlers that preyed on servicemen at military approved nightclubs. The commander-in-chief during my terms of military service (from the age of 14) with Army ROTC, (from the age of 17) with the Marine Corps Reserve and (from the age of 18) with the United States Coast Guard, was President Dwight D. Eisenhower.
By
the way, during my Coast Guard boot camp training at Cape May, N. J.
(spring-summer 1957), when I was a mere 18-year-old impressionable teenager, I
was instructed, along with my other teenage Coast Guard classmates, that rectal
intercourse was a preferred method for engaging in sexual relations. The
Coast Guard instructor was NOT joking. He informed us that “the rectum is the
cleanest organ in the human body” and that “ rectal intercourse was the safest
method for engaging in sexual intercourse.” I thus was conditioned by the
United State Government as a teenager, as were other teenage recruits, to
accept rectal intercourse as normal and healthy.
I was further persuaded by a veteran World
War II Navy commander, Lt. Commander Paul A. Drummond, following my honorable,
yet psychiatric, discharge. Lt. Drummond, a ruggedly handsome, physically fit
spare-time handball and baseball player 14 years older than I, was also a
regular communicant of St. Hugh’s Roman Catholic Church, Coconut Grove,
Florida, across the street from where I lived. Paul later moved his elderly
aunt – into the same building. Ironically, Drummond had no respect for women,
to include his own aunt and the women that worked for him as housekeepers or as
secretaries. Younger men, such as myself, were mere toys for Drummond. I
myself, as I would assume most of those that responded to Drummond’s finesse,
were in reality merely looking for friendship – perhaps for a surrogate father
or uncle of sorts.
Drummond, who was my god-father of sorts,
afterwards served as best man at my 1964 marriage to a 21 year old female. He
showed up at the wedding in a state of obnoxious drunkenness, insulting
virtually everyone at the wedding party by reminding everyone present that he
had been a Navy-Marine commander in the Pacific during World War II.
Drummond’s own dad was a New York City
surgeon. He inherited position, as well as money and arrogance – the arrogance
that commonly goes along with inherited money. Drummond, as well as others like
him, was invariably given VIP treatment by the police.
I also developed a casual friendship with a
Miami police officer, also about 14 years older than I, shortly after I arrived
in Miami in 1962. Mark [pseudonym], a ruggedly handsome cop that quite
obviously had a preference for younger athletically-built young men – as I was
– was years later kicked off the force for picking up a college football player
that grabbed his wallet, then ran out of Mark’s home (a home shared with another cop). When Mark shot the boy in the
leg in order to recover his wallet, the boy’s parents brought charges against
Mark, who was consequently prematurely retired. By the way, there was nothing ‘limp-wristed’ about Officer Mark,
who had been a high school football player during his own youth. Like all
cops, Officer Mark enjoyed the intrigue of risk taking.
I also dated the Dade County sheriff’s
daughter, whom I met in 1963 at a Coral Gables swimming pool while the two of
us were qualifying for a life guard certificate. Prior to my first marriage I
dated the daughter of a Coconut Grove cop, whom I met at an Episcopal Church
holiday party and who was at the time working on a Master’s degree in biology
at a Florida university.
None of my employers EVER paid me a living wage – a wage that would enable me to live independently, to include the Miami Herald, the City of Miami Beach, the Associated Press, a Law Enforcement Assistance Council and the Los Angeles Department of Mental Health. I was sexually harassed – both verbally and physically by every employer I ever worked for – in an office – by both male and females co-workers or supervisors, even when I myself was working in a supervisory position. When and if I complained about the harassment, I was invariably terminated and discredited. I am not talking about benign and innocent joking or about mutually consensual relationships.
Schizophrenia,
a catch-all label for behavior that fails to conform to the norm, is believed
by some scientists to result from insufficient blood supply to the prefrontal
cortex of the brain, a condition that hinders such an individual in his ability
to process information. As a result, such an individual often experiences
rejection and cruel disparagement by others, to include parents, surrogate
parents and/or one’s peers.
A
true schizophrenic patient would NEVER claim to experience auditory
hallucinations. Nevertheless, he would most probably be accused of
experiencing auditory hallucinations by his parents, his teachers, his
employers or his peers (his friends or spouses) – the people that have actually
inflamed his emotions and provoked him by their mean-spirited remarks or
actions.
When
I myself claimed that either family members or work supervisors or judges or
cops or physicians or professors or my best friends or my spouses were either
asking me to do things that they knew were wrong or were making rude, cruel and
demoralizing remarks to me or were sexually assaulting me – sometimes after
first intentionally incapacitating me with alcoholic beverages or by spiking my
food or drinks with drugs, I was invariably discredited by my assailants, thus
suggesting to psychiatrists that I hallucinated words and actions that I had
actually experienced. I repeat: No honest psychiatric patient – such as myself
– would ever lay claim to anyone as having actually experienced auditory
hallucinations.
The
individual that experiences a schizophrenic breakdown finds himself in a
checkmate situation – in a no-win situation. Such an individual commonly
becomes a scapegoat for those with whom he is most closely associated. He
resultantly suffers from varying degrees of ambivalence, paranoia and from
severe ego impoverishment. That is my own professional opinion, yet an opinion
shared by other individuals, few of whom are actually practicing psychiatry!
Armed services men that are victims of ongoing trauma as a
result of physical assaults and cruel disparagement by their own
comrades-in-arms suffer far worse psychological damage than do those who are
suffering from battle fatigue as a result of enemy fire.
As for females, they have never been forced
to register for the American draft, nor have they been coerced to serve in the Armed
Services, as have naïve teenage boys and young men. They have always had an
option, as well as an easy way out once they become aware of the system that
indeed exists.
Although
my own IQ tested at 117 (the same as President John F. Kennedy’s) when I was a
sophomore in high school, and 124 at the time I was discharged from the Coast
Guard, I had great difficulty paying attention and concentrating on my studies
during my entire primary and secondary education, graduating in the lower half
of my class, although I was selected to be a delegate to Missouri Boys State by
my teachers my junior year. My mind was focused inwardly – on my fantasies –
fantasies of being with my biological dad and my biological paternal grandad.
Ironically, I made the honor roll for the first time in my life during my first
semester of college – at the University of Mexico -- the summer I actually met my biological father – at his home
in Mexico City. Thus, my fantasies evolved into a somewhat surrealistic
reality.
By
the way, Senator Barry Goldwater’s IQ was 103. Goldwater, whose wife (who
inherited a small fortune in Borg-Warner stock, a company her family founded)
and my mom were second cousins. Senator Goldwater was also a United States Air
Force general. The average mean IQ of an individual holding a PhD is, according
to research, 110. Thus, one does not need to score very high on an IQ test to
excel in the academic world, in the political world, in the military or even in
the business world! What it really takes to excel is the ability to schmooze.
One has to be able to play ball, as it were, with the male and female
power-drivers – to be able to form and sustain viable relationships with others
– others that can complement one’s own native abilities, whatever they may be.
It
seems to me that MOST people exaggerate their IQ scores in order to suggest to
others that they are smarter than they really are. I have rarely encountered
another adult that didn’t claim to have a genius IQ. Well, as far as I can see,
we’re all geniuses in one way or another. If given the opportunity to learn and
to create, anyone can make remarkable strides.
Interestingly,
a close male friend of mine, whose IQ score was identical to mine (117) during
our sophomore year in high school, graduated in the National Honor Society and
received a Bachelor’s degree with honors in metallurgy, a discipline requiring
a very high aptitude for mathematics. He was afterwards commissioned as an
officer in the Army, after which he became a top broker and senior vice
president for a major American stock brokerage firm.
I was a slow learner from the onset. In
addition, I had never had anyone at home to coach and/or encourage me in group
sports. The ongoing humiliation I suffered as a result of my awkwardness resulted
in extreme self-consciousness about performing at any sport in public. As a
result of having also experienced a great deal of physical trauma at the hands
of bullies (both male and female) during my developmental years, I have
experienced extreme startle reactions to extraneous noise or other forms
of environmental stimuli throughout my adult years.
The
problem with female bullies – females that assault males – is that females can
get away with verbally or physically assailing or assaulting a male, as society
forbids a male from responding in-kind (an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth)
to female abuse. Thus, a female can slap a man across the face or assail him as
being unmanly. If the man slaps her back or attacks her verbally, he invariably
winds up on the bricks, as it were, the primary reason MANY men prefer to avoid
women altogether, if possible. Women have an unfair advantage and they always
have, although many will claim otherwise.
In
my later adult years, I learned methods for compensating for my mental and
physical handicaps by avoiding those topics of conversation and those
activities that might reveal to others my mental and physical deficiencies and
by dominating and restricting conversations to a topic of my own choosing.
To this day, I blame the military officers in charge for the molestation (for the ongoing harassment, to include assaults and battery) and for the resultant mental problems I experienced while serving my country. Officers, in every branch of the Armed Services, both male and female officers, are trained to view enlisted men as inferior. Enlisted men are thus demoralized by officers and petty officers in charge from the day they are sworn in. Whereas each Coast Guard officer aboard ship was assigned a private stateroom, as well as a personal male servant, enlisted men were caged like sardines in community berthing compartments. We had no privacy.
In addition, we Coastguardsmen (18 years of age and up) were encouraged to consume alcoholic beverages for recreational purposes after work hours, both onboard ship, while our ship was anchored off-shore in the South Pacific, as well as while we were in port at Coast Guard on-base lounges or beer gardens and at off-base lounges.
As far as civilian women go, civilian women show far more deference and respect for a military officer than for a military enlisted man.
Psychiatric illness is thus far more commonplace among Armed Services enlisted men than it is among either male or female officers. Unfortunately, psychiatry is a fraud, as psychiatric technicians (psychiatrists, clinical psychologists and social workers) are trained to place the blame for psychiatric illness in general, and sexual violation in particular, on either the mother of the male patient or on a genetically acquired so-called chemical imbalance. However, it is a fact that few psychiatric professionals are willing to acknowledge the documented evidence that schizophrenic reactions are actually caused by extremely slow perceptive ability (usually resulting in an individual becoming a scapegoat by peers who become aware of his slowness in catching on) and by the stress an individual experiences as a result of psychological and/or sexual trauma, as a result of physical trauma or head injuries, and as a result of the use of psychoactive drugs (including over-the-counter alcoholic beverages and prescribed tranquilizers and antidepressants of all kinds). During my service with the United States Coast Guard, I experienced all of the above forms of trauma.
I was shafted by the Veterans Administration, who refused to award me any form of disability compensation as a result of the trauma I experienced while serving my country, even though the first three times I was hospitalized for psychiatric observation was between the ages of 20 and 21, while serving my country in the Coast Guard. I did not even begin to go through puberty until I was about 16 years old and my maturational lag was continually pointed out to me – in a mocking way – by my military commanders. “You don’t need a razor. You just need a cat.”
I enlisted in the Marine Corps Reserve when I was 17 years old and still a senior in high school. I enlisted in the Coast Guard when I was 18 years old, after having completed two semesters of college as an honor student. Prior to entering the Coast Guard, the Coast Guard cleared me as being of sound mental health by evaluations completed by five prominent members of the Joplin community that had known me during my youth, to include an Episcopal priest, the pastor of the First Community Church of Joplin, a former employer (the owner of a Joplin bookstore), and a retired Air Force colonel, who was also manager of the Joplin airport and president of an investment company.
However, the stigma of a psychiatric (yet honorable) discharge, supported by a doctored up evaluation prepared by Dr. Carl Keller at the U.S. Public Health Service Hospital at New Orleans in June 1960, suggesting (1) that I had been psychotically disturbed prior to entering the Coast Guard, and (2) that my psychotic disturbance was in no way aggravated by my service with the Coast Guard, significantly reduced my changes of afterwards being treated as a first class citizen. It also significantly precluded me from obtaining employment commensurate with my intelligence – my ability – and significantly prejudiced those who did hire me. If I made any justifiable complaint about the misconduct of my co-workers or supervisors, my credibility was invariably diminished by virtue of the mere fact that I had a documented psychiatric history. I was even mocked or discredited by the police when I either made justifiable complaints about others or when I attempted to defend myself against unjust accusations made against me. I thus found myself in a no-win checkmate situation, a situation that ultimately reduced me to poverty.
It
takes one to know one is an old Midwestern saying. The next time some
idiot, perhaps a member of your own family or of your church or temple, points
a finger at another individual and suggests to you that the individual is queer,
consider putting the matter to rest by replying: It has always been my
impression that EVERYONE is a little queer. It’s a characteristic of human
nature.
A comprehensive survey conducted by Alfred Kinsey following World War II, indicated that approximately 40% of adult males admitted to engaging in sex with other males. A survey conducted by Hugh Hefner’s Playboy magazine in about 1974 indicated that approximately 50% of adult males admitted to engaging in sex with other males. However, if the truth were known it could perhaps be said that 99% of normal adult males have experimented with homosexuality in one form or another by the time they are 25 years of age. Because of the historical condemnation of homosexuality by so-called civilized society, it is understandable why an overwhelming majority of males are likely to deny they have ever had any sexual involvement with other males.
Although ALL venereal infections
(including gonorrhea) can be contracted through oral sex, as well as
through anal intercourse and vaginal intercourse, since the
appearance of the AIDS virus in about 1980, and the more recent appearance of
new and incurable strains of gonorrhea, NO man in his RIGHT MIND would attempt
to promiscuously engage in oral, anal or vaginal sex. It
is just not sane behavior. If you are a young man and you don’t want to put
yourself at risk, then don’t hang out in places where alcoholic beverages AND
other drugs are available, and places where you are likely to be propositioned
by other males or females for promiscuous sex. The only kind of safe sex is
masturbation when you are alone. Say NO to alcohol, say NO to drugs and say NO
to promiscuous sex.
The reason civilizations enact and enforce laws forbidding homosexual love is: ALL men are believed to have a NATURAL preference for the company of one another to the company of women. Without the enforcement of laws that forbid homosexual love, the human race would not be able to propagate itself, such is the belief of those who oppose homosexual marriage and homosexual relationships.
Although the overwhelming majority of men are likely to claim they prefer the company of women to men, historical analysis reveals the opposite: that all men have a decided preference for the company of one another to women. By custom and law, they are mandated to suppress/repress their homosexual inclinations.
Thus, it is my opinion that while the sex drive is inborn,
an individual’s choice of a sex object is the result of (1) fluctuating
environmental circumstances, (2) cultural attitudes and (3) behavioral
conditioning.
It is also my opinion that any normal healthy virile mature man has an innate capacity for developing romantic and/or sexual feelings for other males and females, although as a result of cultural biases an individual is not likely to engage in homosexual behavior unless one has first been seduced by another individual of the same sex as a rite of initiation, as it were. If the man has also experienced continuous rejection and humiliation by members of the opposite sex, especially from those he has experienced romantic/sexual feelings for, it is understandable that a he will thereafter more than likely experience a preference for other males to females. Both seduction and rejection are powerful, if not traumatizing, conditioners. To even tag a male child as a homosexual can greatly influence his later adult behavior, for it psychologically alters his self-concept of who he is.
Research at the Salk Institute in the
early 1990s undertaken by Simon Levay, whose male domestic partner died of
AIDS, has lent support to the idea that a portion of the brain’s hypothalamus
of so-called gay men is smaller than that of so-called straight men as a
result of insufficient androgen production by the mother during pregnancy. The
absurdity of Levay’s research and the conclusions that were drawn by some of
his colleagues as a result of his research becomes evident when one realizes
the fact that the overwhelming majority of men are not likely to reveal to
anyone their very private sexual thoughts, fantasies or feelings. All Levay’s
research indicates is that certain individuals (prior to their death) had
revealed to him or his associates that they had had homosexual experiences and
that certain other individuals had denied ever having had a homosexual
experience. Since Levay’s research has never been duplicated by any other
scientist, it would be plausible to conjecture that his ‘findings’ were
somewhat skewed in order to support his hypothesis. It is indeed unfortunate
that many, if not most, scientists can’t see the forest for the trees! It is
also unfortunate that other professionals, including licensed clinical
psychologists, cannot see the forest for the trees and thus are willing accept,
without reservations, whatever findings are presented them by the credentialed
Establishment scientists.
Other research has lent support to the idea
that the size of the same area of the hypothalamus correlates with the
difference between the length of the index and ring fingers. Thus women and
so-called gay men supposedly have similar hands. Not true.
The fact remains, as any layperson can determine for one’s self, that so-called
gay men’s handprints are no different than so-called straight men’s handprints,
as over 99+% of all men, whether they identify themselves as straight
or gay have an index finger that is slightly shorter than their ring
finger (the fourth finger), whereas a woman’s index finger is slightly longer
than her ring finger. Even men born with a partial or full cryptorchidism (an
undescended testicle) have typical male so-called heterosexual
handprints and on the average they are no different than other men in their
so-called sexual orientation.
However,
it is also my opinion that a boy who has been abandoned or neglected by his own
parents, especially by his father, is much more likely to be seduced or molested
by another male than is a boy whose own father has provided continuous
nurturing for his son, nurturing that would include physical affection (hugging
and kissing), as well as teaching the boy methods for defending himself and
vocational skills that he can utilize throughout his adult life in order to
provide for himself and for his own children. Without such a connection in
life, a boy has no foundation on which to build his own life.
A
boy reared without a father typically experiences a severe emotional and
physical void in his development and is more likely to seek out and attempt to
bond with receptive masculine surrogate fathers as role models throughout his
life in order to reinforce his identity as a male. In his pursuit of a loving,
supportive father, he may inadvertently wind up becoming the victim of a sexual
predator or of a series of predators, especially if he winds up in an
impoverished or homeless situation.
There is no doubt in my own mind that mere sexual seduction or molestation rewires the brain of the victim. I myself became a victim of such molestation as a result of the fact that both my mother and father, both college educated people whose own fathers were successful and well-connected entrepreneurs, repeatedly rejected me, and then pushed me out and onto the streets at the youthful age of 18, while I was still a developing teenager, with little more than peach fuzz on my face. I was on my own – truly on my own – from the day I left home at the age of 18.
My father abandoned my mother, brother and me at the time of my birth. My paternal grandfather, E. F. Blaise, a well-to-do banker and oilman, never permitted my brother (a year older) and me to even visit him at his home in Tulsa, nor did he offer to financially assist any of us in any way, although he very generously assisted our father, even after he abandoned us, enabling him to secure excellent jobs as a mining engineer and corporate administrator in Mexico and Bolivia. The $1.8 million estate [as of 1976] of my paternal grandparents, which would in today’s market be valued at in excess of $10 million, was largely comprised of two living trusts [tax shelters] that would ultimately become the property of the First Christian Science of Boston and the Theosophical Society in Wheaton, Illinois. My older brother, a Boy Scout leader, a high school honor student, a university graduate and an Army veteran, who underwent three brain tumor surgeries as a young man, died homeless in 2002. I might add, that he (like I) enlisted. He was not drafted.
I joined the Marine Corps Reserve at the age of 17, while still a high school senior, as a result of misguidance by deceptive Marine Corps officers that came to my high school in order to recruit [schmooze] naïve teenagers. I joined the Merchant Marines at the age of 18 and was scheduled to ship out as a merchant seaman on a Lykes Brothers ship bound to the Mediterranean.
Ironically, the Coast Guard officials that issued me my Merchant Marine documents did not apprise me of the fact that I was automatically exempt from any further Marine Corps Reserve duty and from any other form of military duty. I thus enlisted in the Coast Guard two months later. Technically, I was eligible for a deferment as I was a college honor student at the time I left college to join the Merchant Marines. It was my desire, at the time, to attend a college that offered a degree in architecture. Although my mom’s cousin sent her a check for $1000 so that I could attend the college of my choice, my mom would not allow me to attend Oklahoma A & M, where I planned to major in architecture and construction technology as punishment merely for having met my father the year before while I was attending the University of Mexico in Mexico City. My mom was punishing me merely for having attempted to connect with my father, even though my father never responded in kind to my attempts to bond with him! My father and paternal granddad had been punishing me since the day I was born – merely for having been born.
I thus had no parent or grandparent or other adult I could turn to for appropriate leadership and guidance and I had nowhere else to go, nor did I have any competent advice from either high school or college vocational guidance counselors.
From the time I was a small boy my basic interests were mechanical. I had my hopes set on working in the building trades and ultimately becoming a homebuilder or architect. However, there was no one available during my childhood and adolescence, parents, grandparents, teachers and guidance counselors included, to provide me with competent guidance and encouragement in that direction. Years later, when I was 37 years old, I completed a semester of classes in architectural design and hands-on construction technology at Crowder College in Missouri, a few months prior to my mom’s death.
I basically was an unwanted child, as was my brother, a year older. Both of my parents afterwards perpetuated a multiplicity of lies (throughout the remainder of their own lives) in order to absolve themselves from blame and in an effort to discredit the two of us. It is my opinion that most people wind up on a shrink’s couch for virtually the same reason. However, no psychiatrist, psychologist or social worker was ever of any help to me, and virtually all of them did me more harm than good, as none of the dozens upon dozens of psychiatrists, psychologist and social workers I consulted with, beginning when I was a teenager, was able to talk about sex, with one exception, Dr. Pat Merryman, a clinical psychologist at the VA hospital, whom I first met while a patient there in 1985. Seeking help from those so-called professionals was for me like the blind seeking help from the blind. All any of them ever did was to berate me and prescribe neuroleptic drugs or mood stabilizers. Like I said, with the one exception of the intelligent and courageous Dr. Pat Merryman, they did me more harm than good. It is my opinion, based on my own lifelong experience with professional psychiatrists, psychologists and social workers that psychiatry should be outlawed!
To be concise, all Dr. Merryman said, in response to my own words, was, “I think MOST people are bisexual.” A couple months later, after I left the hospital (and was still homeless) Dr. Merryman apprised me that I was eligible to apply for Social Security Supplemental Security Income, as I had no one else to turn to. I could not hold a job primarily because virtually every employer I ever worked for, civilian or government, was so corrupt that I was either fired for complaining about abuse by my coworkers or advisors or I voluntarily left as a result of the abuse or harassment. I was never able to accumulate any wealth, as none of my employers ever paid me a living wage. During the Reagan Administration, employers were able to avoid paying income taxes and Social Security taxes merely by hiring workers on a temporary basis. Thus, many, many employers I worked for (mostly doing construction work) never paid my Social Security taxes. Reaganism. Ronald Reagan was not an American hero. He was the enemy of the American working man – of the impoverished working man. May Reagan and others like him burn in hell, a mere figure of speech, as I myself do not subscribe to the God-fearing ideologies, ideologies designed to perpetuate social and economic inequality. I do not believe in heaven or hell. I believe in equality!
Petty Officer Edmund Rush (a sonarman), who served with me aboard the Coast Guard Cutter Triton while I was serving my country as a teenager, commented while in my presence, “All people are bisexual. That’s the first thing you learn in psychology.” Indeed, it has been the opinion of a goodly number people that all people have a natural capacity for bisexual behavior. So why do we, as a society, still point our fingers at others?! Perhaps because society does not permit us to be honest with one another about the universal nature of our underlying feelings, as well as the nature of our experiences!
I might here add that Petty Officer Rush was the tallest, most athletic, most muscular and perhaps strongest male stationed aboard the Cutter Triton (homeport Corpus Christi). He also had the deepest voice. Believe me, no dude was even about to kick sand in Rush’s face! A native of Florida, Rush also appeared to be one of the most intelligent crew members. The other perhaps most manly crew member, as well as perhaps one of the most decent and intelligent crewmembers was Chief Engineer Vader.” Yet it was pointed out to me by my immediate supervisor, Petty Officer David Synnott, behind Vader’s back, that Vader was a “queer.”
Yet Synnott put me in an uncomfortable position by making annoying sexual advances to me and annoying innuendoes while we were alone in the radio shack. He also enraged me by admittedly opening and reading my personal mail from a girlfriend of mine, then making crude comments regarding the content of her letters, in which she expressed her love for me in various ways and reminisced about private moments the two of us had shared.
It appeared to me that because I attempted to politely avoid Synnott whenever possible, which was difficult to do since he was my immediate supervisor, that he and his cronies began mercilessly harassing me, both on-duty and off-duty, making me the brunt of their extremely annoying and un-funny jokes.
My supervisor David Synnott aggressively rubbed himself up against my shoulder while I was seated at my station and performing my duties as a radioman while we were alone in the radio shack. Seaman Jimmy Williams, as short, yet heavy-bearded, curly-haired engine room assistant, ripped the Coast Guard shield off my uniform at a USO merely because I was socializing with and dancing with a female I had met there one evening while all of us were on a pass in Galveston, while our ship was temporarily dry docked. Williams appeared to be insanely – and I do mean insanely – jealous of the fact that not only a number of our fellow shipmates were quite fond of me, but that women also found me attractive.
Electronics Technician James Hunt, a native of Corpus Christi, who was married and a father, yet who joked about his own sexual exploits and about participating in orgies at seaside motels with other Triton Coast Guardsmen, also joked about making anonymous phone calls to the wife of a shipmate (the hospital corpsman) who allegedly participated in a motel orgy with him and others. Yet Hunt also demoralized me by standing outside the door of the radio shack and chanting “I think Blaise has homosexual tendencies,” and by repeatedly calling me “paranoid” while we were out at sea. As a reaction to his incessant taunting, I once grabbed Hunt and bent him over the guardrail on the aft deck in the presence of the entire deck crew, while another older crewmember, in fact, even encouraged me by saying “Throw him overboard Blaise.”
Petty Officer Hunt also once asked me to go into the head (the men’s rest room) and look on the toilet seat, where I found he had placed a razor blade, sitting on a piece of paper, on which he had written, “for slitting your wrists.”
I should again point out that James Hunt was not an attractive male. He was more of what could be described as a ‘nerd.’ He compensated by acting like a know-it-all and by humiliating those, such as myself, of lower rank. Actually, he own rank, as a 2nd Class Petty Officer, was only one rank above my own. Electronics technicians are selected from those who score in the highest percentile of the Coast Guard aptitude test. Radio operators are selected from those who score in the next highest percentile. The fact is that had Hunt had a slightly higher aptitude, or should I say, had he scored higher on the Coast Guard aptitude tests, he could have qualified for Officer Candidate School – and thus enter the Coast Guard as an ensign – as a full officer. I only wished that I myself had been able to qualify for OCS.
Ensign Dee, who acted more like a punk than an officer, repeatedly annoyed my fiancée and me, by glowering down at her and by making crude remarks to me, suggesting that I was "homosexual," while we were off duty. Incidentally, my fiancée at the time, of Mexican and American ancestry, was also the niece of James Allison, a Celtic American, then chairman of the Federal Reserve Banks Fourth District and president of Warren Petroleum Company, whose barges and off-shore drilling rigs floated in Corpus Christi bay area. My fiancée’s mother, a graduate of Texas Christian Women’s University, and her aunt reported to me that they received bizarre anonymous phone calls, believed to be made by a Triton shipmate.
Interestingly, both Ensign Dee and Petty Officer James Hunt had been transferred to the Triton while I was hospitalized, the first time, when my skewed psychiatric records had become public knowledge as a result of the fact that even the captain of the Triton, Commander Ochman, did not think I would be returning to the ship. It was not until later that I was able to see a copy of my psychiatric reports, at which time I realized that examining psychiatrists took my own words out of context and suppressed other evidence provided them, in order to absolve the Coast Guard from blame for my problems, which were concluded to be the sole result of ‘familial problems.’
Shipmates Synnott, Williams, Hunt and Ensign Dee, four of the most treacherous and degenerate individuals I have ever encountered, were the cause of most of my ire while I was stationed aboard the Coast Guard Cutter Triton. In fact, they were the primary source of all trouble aboard the Triton, as they openly engaged in what is known as “double bind communication” or “contradictory behavior” regarding male sexuality, by creating self-consciousness amongst the crew members about male homosexuality.
Coast Guard Seaman Williams, oddly enough, even admitted participating in an all male orgy with other shipmates while we were dry-docked in the shipyard at Baltimore, yet I afterwards observed him sneeringly referring to the others, his own engine-room crew members, as “queers,” not himself. Williams, like many males, was two-faced. If he is still alive, he is probably still engaging in the same type of behavior, calling other men “fags,” while engaging in clandestine homosexual acts himself when an opportunity arises. It is also interesting that the media typically portrays so-called “homosexual males,” as lacking interest or aptitude for the mechanical trades, as well as for rough sports. Yet mechanically-minded males and professional fighters are as homosexually inclined as is any other male. I will say again, the media intentionally confuses the issue, by falsely portraying male effeminacy and male homosexuality as either one in the same or as related “afflictions.”
I
soon realized that both Corpus Christi and Baltimore contained large
populations of merchant seamen. Clandestine homosexuality among merchant seamen
and sailors, as I came to realize during my teenage years in the Coast Guard
during the 1950s, is very normal and practically universal behavior. It bears
repeating that homosexual attraction is indeed a very normal component of the
sexual make-up of every virile male. For society to continue to portray
male homosexuality as an abnormality or as “unmanly behavior” severely damages
the psyches of ALL males, regardless of the way each man identifies himself.
Ironically, the most serious and traumatizing types of abuse by my shipmates began after I was discharged from a lengthy stay at a Staten Island government psychiatric hospital for observation and treatment, after having been transferred there from a Baltimore government hospital, for what was documented on hospital records as schizophrenic reaction and suicidal depression. The first hospitalization occurred two weeks after I had been bludgeoned over the head with a beer bottle by a drunken female assailant, who actually broke the bottle over my forehead, merely because I repeatedly asked her to stay away from me after she had repeatedly approached me in a tavern, while I was in uniform, to buy her drinks and to engage in a lewd act in a pubic restroom with her male companion. I was taken by the Shore Patrol to a Navy infirmary for surgical repair of my forehead. The woman who assaulted and battered me, although present when the Shore Patrol arrived, was not apprehended by the police, nor did the Shore Patrol make an effort to even summon the police, in spite of my insistence. After I was discharged from the Navy Infirmary, I was then escorted by the Shore Patrol back to the shipyard in Baltimore where the ship I was stationed on, the Cutter Triton, whose homeport was Corpus Christi, Texas, was then dry-docked.
What I was not aware of at the time of my first psychiatric hospitalization in 1959 was that copies of my psychiatric medical records from Baltimore, in which one of two examining psychiatrists recommended that I not continue in the Coast Guard, yet which I myself was not permitted to examine, were delivered to the ship’s captain, prior to my return to duty, and that the contents of the records had been openly revealed and discussed by the entire crew prior to my returning to duty. The captain, as well as the rest of the crew, was indeed surprised when I returned to duty aboard the same ship about two months later.
However, it was not until a year later that I was provided an opportunity by the ship’s storekeeper to briefly examine one of those psychiatric evaluations for myself on the morning after I had been physically attacked by Seaman Jimmy Williams at a shoreside club while I was socializing with a female I had met there while on a pass. It was then that I became aware of the fact that examining psychiatrists had not accurately documented what I reported to them in an effort to protect those shipmates and others who had been sexually harassing me from blame for my reaction. In fact, one of the examining psychiatrist continually fell asleep while I was attempting to reveal to him what had happened to me prior to my admission to the hospital. All three examining psychiatrists, as I eventually learned, took my of my own words out of context and conveniently omitted much factual information that I know I provided them, in order to absolve the Coast Guard from responsibility for my demise.
It is outrageous that the Veterans Administration has repeatedly turned down my requests for disability compensation as a direct result of what happened to me while I was serving my country with the United States Coast Guard between the ages of 18 and 21. I am now 68 years old. I have virtually NO personal wealth of any significance, although I have somehow managed to keep my head above water merely by writing about my life experiences. I have not received even one dollar in payment for my publications. I do it out of necessity in order to maintain what sanity I have left and to apprise others of what it is like to serve as an enlisted man in the military and to experience being a victim of ongoing psychiatric fraud and government cover-ups.
Most people I have known, before and after I served with the Coast Guard, seem to me to have a let and let live attitude about male homosexuality. However, homophobia is a national pastime, as well as a national illness! It is my opinion that there is not one single individual, whether an individual identifies himself as straight or gay, male or female, who does not suffer from one degree or another of homophobia. It’s built into our society. Police vice squad officers go out of their way to bait ordinary citizens into engaging in what is officially called “lewd conduct” by hanging out in public places, suggestively exposing themselves in public restrooms or aggressively cruising ordinary working-class men in an effort to engage such men suggestive conversation.
How the Police Vice Squad Operates
A team of reporters for the Joplin Globe, where
I once worked as a reporter, revealed that homosexuality, as well as marijuana
use, was rampant among Jasper County male sheriff’s deputies during the 1970s.
A Newton County sheriff’s deputy admittedly frequented Joplin nightclubs when
off duty in search of male sex partners. He also admitted to stealing marijuana
from the evidence room for his own use, while sending teenagers arrested for
marijuana possession to the state reformatory or to the penitentiary.
The Tulsa Tribune reported during the 1970s
that of the approximately 250,000 residents of Tulsa, Oklahoma, approximately
80,000 were homosexual in their orientation (most of them married and with
children). The managing editor of the Tulsa Tribune was also a victim of police
entrapment, on two different occasions. Although his cousin, the district
attorney, was in the habit of vigorously prosecuting such cases, he did not
prosecute his cousin the first time he was arrested by Tulsa police. [It is not
known if he was actually prosecuted the second time around.]
Ironically, the son of the Tulsa police
chief worked in a popular gay club as a bartender when he was only 16 years
old, using false ID that suggested he was older. The chief himself, a law
school graduate, had represented the 25-year-old bar owner-operator, an
admitted “chicken hawk,” when he applied for his club license, a license that
was granted in spite of a documented record of 12 violations in the operation
of a previous club known to cater to underage teenagers. A former assistant prosecutor
and a Tulsa law professor were members of the club. Both men were known to
commonly solicit sex from other males in public restrooms. Close relatives of
Tulsa police officers and prosecutors were rarely even cited, much less
prosecuted, for any violation of the law.
Relatives of Tulsa police officers and prosecutors could thus get away
with virtual murder.
Most of those arrested and prosecuted on
charges of so-called lewd conduct are those who are temporarily mentally
impaired as a result of low to moderate alcoholic beverage consumption and they
typically are naïve and without wealth or political power. Also, they generally
are merely copying the observed behavior of community role models -- those who
make their living in the criminal justice system: police officers, district
attorneys, psychiatrists, etc., etc.
It
is a joke to refer to ANY man as straight, regardless of the way any of us men
define the word “straight.” It is also a BAD JOKE to refer to ANY man as gay.
What seems truly absurd or weird to me, although understandable, is that any
boy or man would humiliate himself by even identifying himself as “gay” or as a
“gay man,” rather than simply as “a man.”
R. D. Laing
The only psychiatrist that has ever been of any
real help to me is the late R. D. Laing, M.D., a British psychiatrist, author
and social critic, an individual I never personally knew, yet whose books I
stumbled onto (as they were never recommended to me, except by the authors of
other text books) when I was nearly sixty years of age. I am now 68. My mind
and body are perhaps in better mechanical condition than many a man 20 years my
junior.
I was first violated by means of male
frotteurism while serving in high school ROTC, by another cadet (in an ROTC
classroom). I was later, as I already mentioned, repeatedly violated in a
similar manner by my supervisor and others while serving aboard ship in the
Coast Guard, but the mere fact that I myself did not desire to participate in
sex with my shipmates, I was mercilessly persecuted. The dehumanizing situation
that existed aboard that particular ship resulted in my being hospitalized and
discharged for a so-called psychiatric disability in 1960, yet the Coast Guard
and the Veterans Administration has continued to attempt to cover up the actual
facts that led up to my psychiatric hospitalizations.
Had I not been encouraged and conditioned by
my parents, by the Episcopal Church and the United States Coast Guard to
socialize with alcoholic beverages, I never would have been at a mental
disadvantage in social situations in which another male’s intention was to
impair my judgment and consciousness sufficiently for him to be able to take
advantage of me. Had I not been deceived by Marine Corps Reserve recruiters,
who came to my high school to recruit, and had I not been deceived by Coast
Guard recruiters by their failure to provide me with accurate counseling prior
to enlisting, I most likely would never have wound up in a psychiatric
hospital.
No Apologies
From Anyone!
As a result of the multiple attempts by my
own parents and by a step-grandmother (who did not reside with us) to
intimidate me, to humiliate me for ever complaining, and to undermine my
self-esteem as a male, and the fact that even my own stepfather (from the age
of 11) made no effort to teach me skills for defending myself, both physically
and psychologically (through verbal repartee) I resultantly became extremely
repressed in expressing my emotions, developing a somewhat on-the-surface complacent
personality, as I had no skills for dealing with the hostilities or unwanted
advances of other males or females. I was slapped across the face by Geraldine
Hadley, a female classmate while performing my duties as a school patrol boy
when I was a mere eleven years old. I had not cited the girl for anything,
and I was too humiliated as a male to even report her behavior to anyone.
To his day I have no understanding as to why Geraldine Hadley slapped me after
walking across the street at the intersection I regularly patrolled, while she
was in the company of my girlfriend, Mary Ann Buck, or should I say the girl I
had intensely strong romantic feelings for and whom I regularly dated at square
dances and hayrides, yet whom I later realized secretly abhorred me, primarily
because I was as not as athletically skillful as were other boys. After moving
back to Kansas City, her hometown, she was voted Miss American Royal First
Runner-up, during her senior year of high school. While I was visiting Mary Ana
and her family just prior to enlisting in the Coast Guard, I overheard her
mother whisper to Mary Ana, “Someday, you’ll appreciate a boy like Tommy.”
Perhaps Geraldine Hadley herself was
secretly in love with Mary Ana and was jealous of me, the reason for her slapping
me. On the other hand, maybe Mary Ana actually put her up to it! However,
Geraldine Hadley, as well as all of my other classmates, was well aware that
although I was persistently head over heals hot for Mary Ana, I was not
accustomed to responding to hostile physical aggression by either males or
females. I wasn’t exactly what some girls considered to be a male sex
symbol, although ironically I was, throughout my elementary school years
probably more heterosexually driven than any other male classmate of mine.
Although I later realized that many
considered me a chump or a coward, merely because I was somewhat naïve and
because I was disinterested in combat and because I lacked physical combat
skills, which skills are learned, not inbred, contrary to popular opinion.
Nevertheless, it was not I who was the coward. It was the individuals that
picked on me, knowing I would not fight back, who were the cowards. I never in
my life saw any one of those individuals that picked on me ever even attempt to
participate in a fistfight with anyone else, including those who, in terms of
skill, would be their match. I was invariably picked on, not when I was alone,
but either when I was in the presence of some girl I was dating, or when they
themselves were accompanied by backups and I myself was alone.
As I later learned, if you’re gonna be a man
and be respected, you don’t take shit off noone, male or female, and you learn
how to fight skillfully with words, and if necessary, with your own two fists,
even if you wind up with your own teeth knocked out or wind up in jail for
punchin’ out the lights of the asshole that initially battered you.
If you are a boy or a man, I warn you: Be
very cautious in accepting advice from women. Most women are not a man’s best
friend. If you haven’t yet realized it, most of them hate our guts merely for
the fact that we were born of the male gender, and many will go out of their
way to perpetually undermine our self-esteem as men by figuratively cutting our
balls off, as it were. God forbid, that you ever wind up sitting across the
desk from a female psychiatrist or clinical psychologist (unless she happens to
be of the mindset of VA psychologist Dr. Pat Merryman) as I have, one too many
times, although it’s bad enough sitting across the desk from a male shrink.
Remember! Even other males are invariably competing against you, even the one
you might think to be your best friend. Shrinks (for the most part) ain’t there
to help anyone. There’re there to financially exploit us and to humiliate us!
If you ain’t got money, you’ll get booted out the door after 15 minutes, as
neither Medicare nor Medicaid nor Medical pays them enough to warrant their
time. Or they’ll tell you to go to the Salvation Army. However, if you’ve got
big bucks or a really generous insurance provider, they’ll sit there and
schmooze you endlessly, but they won’t help you. They’ll keep you brain dead
and mad at the same time by prescribing neuroleptic drugs and antidepressants,
which are actually uppers that do not prevent depression but rather induce
manic (and often violent) behavior, in order to keep you coming back, and to
keep the money rolling into their bank accounts, until such time as you either
commit suicide or wind up in a jail on a false arrest charge of either murder
or attempted murder. If you somehow survive otherwise, you wise up like me and
you stay away from them, from all of them! Believe me, it is the shrinks that
the commit murders you hear about on the evening news, yes, the shrinks, and
with a lot of help from the pharmaceutical industry and from the weapons
manufacturers!
As for crooks, the only crooks that exist in
this day and age are the stockbrokers themselves. They’re also the New
Millenium slave holders. They are the ones that rob the poor and perpetuate
economic inequality. As a society, we do not need economic opportunity.
What we need in order to live sanely is economic equality. We all
need to learn to be honest ourselves as a society about the fact that there is
not a man or woman alive who does not harbor romantic-sexual feelings for
another individual of the same sex. Rock Hudson was a hell of a lot more
straight than either the late Rev. Jerry Falwell, the Rev. Fred Scumbag Phelps
or the Rev. Pat (700 Club) Robertson, who has proclaimed that God is going to
wreck great havoc on Orlando, Florida, merely because Disney World officials
once proclaimed one day out of the year as Gay Day. Those of us exisiting on
SSI or Social Security were ripped of by society long before we got here. We ain’t
no freeloaders. We’ve, all of us, paid our dues. As I said before, it’s the
millionaire and billionaire business tycoons and stock brokers, regardless of
the color of their skin or the country of their origin, that are the
freeloaders of the world.
As I said before, although I had a
well-connected, intelligent and financially capable grandfather who could have
provided me with all the tools a boy needs to succeed in life, he instead
ignored me, even at his death, leaving my brother and me each a $1,500
educational trust fund, which amounted to $1,200 after my attorney took out his
share for doing nothing. However, all the money in the world can never make
up for a boy’s need for the continual guidance, as well as protection, of an
emotionally-available dad during his early developmental years. The
remainder of my grandad’s $500,000+ estate, save $25,000 which was left to my
father, was left to his second wife, Marie Blaise, who had no children of her
own, the one who psychologically tortured and humiliated me, mostly by phone
and by mail, prior to my grandfather’s death.
The one time I ever actually saw Marie, the
first time I actually met her, was when I was 18 years old, just before I
shipped overseas with the Coast Guard. I went to my grandad’s home in Tulsa and
knocked on his door. Although Marie invited me in, she stood over my shoulder,
brandishing a paring knife in her hand, and called me a “queer,” while I sat
quietly by my granddad, trying to ignore her repeated attempts to incite me. My
granddad, then 78 years old, made no effort to speak up in my behalf for what
she said and did to me. All I said was, “Well, I guess we’re all a little
queer.” I then got up and quietly left. The following Christmas, while I was
stationed in Hawaii, I received in the mail a Christmas card, signed only, Best
Wishes, Grandad, with a $50 check enclosed. I didn’t bother to thank
him. He’d already put a knife in my heart by sitting by and ignoring me
throughout my childhood, by never coming to Joplin to visit me and by allowing
Marie to rob me of what little sanity I had left with her vicious, scathingly
vulgar words, words I have never forgotten. Grandad was dead nine months later.
He died on Columbus Day 1958.
By the time of Marie’s death, in 1976, their
estate had mushroomed to over $1.8 million. Today the estate, most of which was
left to the First Church of Christ Scientists of Boston and the Theosophical
Society in America in Wheaton, Illinois, as tax shelters, and which was
comprised mostly of oil stocks and government bonds, would be worth in the
neighborhood of at least $10 million. Grandad Blaise abandoned my brother John
and me, from the time I was born, a year later. Yet his own uncle, Bayard
Taylor Hainer, an Oklahoma Territory Supreme Justice and chief counsel to the
Federal Trade Commission, not only nourished him as a young man, but opened
doors for him and paved his way to succeed as an independent oil producer, as a
banker and as a mining magnet.
My older brother, John, an Army veteran,
died homeless of a brain seizure at the age of 64. He had been willfully
missing for over 30 years, and presumable homeless, living in one homeless
shelter after another, after undergoing three brain surgeries, the first two in
1966, two years after his Army service, to removed parts of an inoperable tumor
that affected his hearing, his balance nerve and that resulted in periodic
seizures. His ashes supposedly were placed at the Veterans Memorial Cemetery in
Springfield, Missouri.
No one pulls himself up by his own bootstraps.
There ain’t no self-made men. Men who succeed, as it were, are those who have a
benefactor or sorts, and I ain’t talkin’ about God, the invention
and icon of all of the world’s evildoers. They either have a loyal,
long-standing dad-like big brother or else they have a real dad, a real
granddad or a real uncle that loves them, that grooms them. Because the cards
are always stacked in favor of those who pompously beat their chests and call
themselves winners, there really are no losers. The
people that are locked up in prisons are not losers. They are victims, usually
from the day they were born, of ruthless, deceitful, God-fearing scoundrels.
I never had a dad of any sort (which every
boy needs) to teach me how to appropriately defend myself. I lacked the social
and motor skills for defending myself, as well as for interacting well with
other men and women. I had a reputation as an easy mark. Who knows?! Of course,
my real dad, the one who abandoned me at the time of my birth, was a perfect dad
to the boy, two years younger than I, that he sired by the woman he deserted us
for. He was also a Little League baseball coach to that boy and to scores of
other boys in Mexico and Bolivia, where he resided during my childhood. That
boy, Stephen Blaise, who now resides in Houston, Texas, in his own home, with
his second wife and children, became an all-around during high school athlete
in Mexico City, which should be a revelation to anyone that having an attentive
dad can make all the difference in the world in how a child develops.
Psychiatrists and clinical psychologists today place entirely too much emphasis
on the alleged genetic causes of mental development or so-called chemical
imbalances, rather than on the social-developmental causes of mental
development or mental disability.
From a young age I had a habit of never
immediately responding to hostilities. I somehow learned to suppress my own
anger, perhaps realizing that if I complained about the abuse of others I would
be abused even more. Even in my adult years, I was never quick to respond to
hostility. I most typically, at least momentarily, backed away from my
assailant in an attempt to clearly evaluate the situation at hand before
approaching my assailant for an explanation and/or apology.
However, my repeated attempts to suppress
repeated insults and physical abuse by others would occasionally explode during
my later young adult years during those moments when I was verbally humiliated
or physically battered by another individual.
I never received an apology from anyone!
Many of my childhood and young adulthood assailants, those who are still
living, are retired or semi-retired, yet prominent and highly respected member
of society, some became judges, others school teachers and career military
officers. Most of them not only inherited wealth, but the were enabled to
acquire even more wealth through the professional and business connections
their own families afforded them throughout their adult lives.
As I said, no apologies from anyone that
ever violated me! However, I was invariably intimidated, under threat of
incarceration, into apologizing to many, many of my assailants merely for
complaining about their anti-social behavior or for understandably afterwards
reacting to them with rage! I continue to live in a no-win checkmate situation,
the same situation I found myself in from the day I was born, which for me has
been a virtual living death. Both criminal justice and psychiatry are indeed a
fraud!
Understandably, I grew to have increased
disrespect for those who make their living in the alcoholic beverage industry,
for many of those who intentionally violated me were either employed in the
alcoholic beverage industry as either bar owners or bartenders or as bouncers,
or they were the customers of such individuals. Alcoholic beverage distributors
make their living by getting their customers drunk. I once listened to a very
successful and enterprising bar owner reveal to me that every bar or tavern operator
needs at least a handful of big-spending, everyday alcoholic customers to pay
their overhead. They also need a regular supply of relatively good looking male
or female alcoholics, even if they themselves are not big spenders, in order to
attract other customers. I stay away from bars altogether and I avoid
socializing with people who smoke, drink or engage in promiscuous sex. Of
course, the fact is that I do not regularly socialize with anyone any more. I
don’t trust people and I am reluctant to invite anyone into my place of abode.
Some would call it hypervigilance. Others would call my behavior common sense.
Rectal
Intercourse Advocated by Coast Guard Boot Camp Instructor
Rectal intercourse was actually advocated
in the classroom by a Coast Guard boot camp instructor-chaplain when I was a
mere 18-year-old lad. Believe me, all of us Coast Guard recruits, most of
us still teenagers, were in a virtual state of shock when the instructor not
only recommended rectal intercourse, but informed us that “the rectum is the
cleanest organ in the human body.” He made no mention of the fact that rectal
intercourse can result, not only in rectal hemorrhaging, but that unprotected
rectal intercourse can result in the spread of hepatitis, as well as of
gonorrhea and syphilis. At the time of the lecture, the AIDS virus was
nonexistent.
Had I had a responsible family, especially a
father and a grandfather, and had I been exposed to responsible teachers,
clergymen, coaches, business leaders and military officers that cared anything
about my welfare I would never have been in a position to be violated by
anyone!
The most loathsome individual is the
super-jock who repeatedly makes comments to the fact that he hates “queers,”
while intermittently going out of his way to attempt to seduce other men. In
many instances, the individuals he brands as “queers” are those males whom he
himself is unsuccessful in seducing. Psychologists use the term “displacement”
to describe the process by which
individuals ascribe their own unacceptable sexual impulses to others.
Every bit as loathsome is the so-called
“minister of God,” whether he be Christian, Jewish or Muslim, who publicly
preaches against homosexuality and drunkenness, yet privately engages in
homosexuality and encourages alcoholic beverage use.
Any man or woman that would encourage any
man to engage in rectal sex and to use any form of psychoactive drug, whether
it be tobacco, alcohol, marijuana, cocaine, LSD, amphetamines or even so-called
“mood stabilizers” (antidepressants and tranquilizers) is not an acceptable
role model for children, adolescents or other adults, and this includes
licensed psychiatrist, clinical psychologists and the clergy (regardless of
religious affiliation).
Regular exercise and sound nutrition,
preferably a well-balanced vegetarian diet, is the key to a well-functioning
brain.
In my opinion, there is not ONE active
member of the gay community who was not initially victimized as a child or
adolescent by another male, and if each individual would take the time to
deeply probe into his own psyche (without the aid of coaches), I feel certain
that he would discover the time and place. He would then realize that prior
to having been violated and indoctrinated by another male, he had no interest in
or knowledge of methods for engaging in sex with other males. It is the life
experience that rewires the brain.
The tendency to attempt to simplistically
characterize individuals as “straight” or “gay” is absurd!
Machismo is the art of acting manly.
It is the universal unwritten code of masculinity. It is, of course, learned
behavior, as are methods for acting out homosexual behavior. No man is born
macho, nor is any man born homosexual, although, once again, all men have a
natural capacity for homosexual behavior. In fact, the macho man, the
“straight” macho man, appears to be far more interested in turning on other men
than he is interested in turning on women, although the macho man is not likely
to be marching or demonstrating in a gay parade.
Laing’s book The Politics of
Experience and Herant Katkchadourian’s book The Fundamental of
Human Sexuality (which was co-authored by Donald T. Lunde, who also
authored The Die Song) have thus enabled me to better understand
the mechanisms of human sexuality and the mechanisms by which society in
general and psychiatry in particular attempts to control, manipulate and
deceive people. The remainder of my life is thus hereto devoted to sharing
(without charge) my own life experiences with others in hopes that others, both
young people and adults, may be spared the pain I myself have endured
throughout my life. Perhaps, in some sense, I can become the anonymous, caring
surrogate parent to those readers who perhaps need someone to fill that role.
Self-analysis, I believe, is the only way to self-discovery.
Because a woman’s primary motive in selecting a male partner is economic, she is likely to reject those males who do not meet her economic requirements. Thus, those males who find themselves repeatedly rejected by females, are in time likely to be repelled by women-in-general and to avoid becoming romantically involved with them.
In the animal kingdom, it is the ovulating female who invariably selects her mate. Those males who are not selected, the overwhelming majority of males, tend to select other males as partners.
Mere homosexual attraction is viewed by many highbrow, well-educated European-Americans and Europeans-in-general as a normal component of the sexuality of all people. To refer to another individual as a queer is considered hypocritical, lowbrow and déclassé.
As a result of my upbringing, my formal and informal education and my experiences and observations, I am of the belief that there is no such man as a homosexual, nor is there any such man as a heterosexual, as there is a homoerotic side to every mature man, albeit purposefully concealed by most men as a result of cultural paranoia and conditioning.
Generally speaking, the more dominant the male the more likely is the [unsocialized] male to seek out both females and males as sexual partners, depending on whichever is available and emotionally receptive. In many situations, a dominant male will nevertheless assume a passive position with another male. However, the more mature the man the more adept is the man at controlling (sublimating) his sexual impulses or desires.
In Europe, according to Herbert Katchadourian and Donald T. Lunde, authors of Fundamentals of Human Sexuality, the strictest sexual morals were found among the middle classes, they being the most vulnerable as well as the most desirous of improving their social standing. The upper classes felt secure and the poor had little to lose. The law, based on ancient Jewish scripture, forbade homosexuality on pain of death (Leviticus 20:13), but that did not apply to royalty (in fact, King David reportedly kept a stable of young virile men, drawn from the lower classes, for his own indulgence).
Neurotically obsessed middle class media moguls seemingly devote a great deal of their time simplistically categorizing men as either straight or gay. Both of the terms are inappropriate and absurd. As I have previously stated, it is my opinion, as well as the opinion of a majority of intelligent human beings, that there is a homoerotic dimension to every man and perhaps to every woman. The difference between men is merely the manner in which each man postures himself while in the public eye. I repeat, while in the public eye. What women read about in novels and see in the movies regarding male sexuality is largely fiction, pure fiction.
Katchadourian and Lunde furthermore expound on the findings that same-sex partners are generally more effective sexual performers, since they have the advantage of knowing from experience with their own body what is likely to be pleasurable. Thus, if a man has failed to find a female partner who knows how to satisfy him, he is likely to turn to other men for sexual fulfillment, and vice versa. For society to deny a male or females the opportunity for such experience, or to condemn such experience, is likely to only exacerbate an individual’s rage against society in general. Most crimes of rape or sexual abuse, whether the crime is perpetrated against an individual or the same sex or of the opposite sex, are the likely result of inflexible laws and customs that mandate heterosexual bonds, while forbidding homosexual experience.
Most so-called heterosexual marriages are rushed into as a result of social pressures—pressures that generally arise out of a fear of being stigmatized by society as a deviant of sorts.
It would seem that by nature, men and women have a normal curiosity about and capacity for bisexual behavior. However, unbridled promiscuity can destroy social solidarity, due to the risk of a multiplicity of viruses or infections that can be spread through unbridled promiscuity, as is evident in the epidemic proportions of syphilis, gonorrhea and the AIDS virus that have plagued civilizations throughout the ages. In less civilized populations unbridled sex is far more common than in civilized societies.
The term gay, as originally defined by the French, referred to any man or woman who engaged in romantic/sexual relationships, with either someone of the same sex or someone of the opposite sex, outside of the institution of traditional marriage. The Ancient Greeks, of course, considered everyone, men and women alike, to be bisexual. Male bonding, through which homosexuality was sublimated in a variety ways, including through contact sports, was considered to be an essential part of male sexuality, as male bonding was, and still is, recognized as essential for reinforcing a male’s masculinity.
Pederasty,
the use of boys and younger men for the sexual indulgence of mature men,
a practice that was institutionalized by King David (of the Bible), and which
has been reinforced by modern-day male millionaires, should not be encouraged
by any society, for such practices demoralize the male victims, thus putting
them at risk for a multiplicity of sexually transmitted diseases and robbing
them of their self-esteem as males. As I have said, pederasty rewires the
brains of the boys and younger men who are thus violated. Those boys and
younger men who are so victimized are invariably those who have no father or
surrogate father available to them, and who are resultantly impoverished and
disenfranchised.
Although
what many so-called “married” couples (same-sex or opposite-sex) claim to be
consensual relationships, such relationships are, in my opinion, not really
consensual, nor are they affectionate, in that one of the so-called partners in
such relationships is generally at a mental, emotional and economic disadvantage
and is thereby being exploited by the other as a concubine of sorts.
Even
though my own IQ tested at 21 points above the revealed IQ of Senator Barry
Goldwater and 7 points above the revealed IQ of President John F. Kennedy at
the time I was discharged from the United States Guard at the age of 21, I was
at a decided mental and economic disadvantage and I have been throughout my
adult life, as a result of having had parents who not only undermined my self
esteem as a male, but who also denied me of an appropriate education during my
developmental years and the economic backing that they themselves enjoyed by
their own parents. As a result, I was pressured into accepting relatively
menial positions, as there was never anything else available within my grasp,
always being at the bottom of the pecking order.
I
was repeatedly demeaned and often sexually harassed by my supervisors and
co-workers, both males and females and both so-called “straights” and “gays,” even
after I earned a college degree at the University of Oklahoma at the age of 30,
(where I was also repeatedly demeaned by some of my professors, perhaps merely
because I was an older, and therefore considered to be not as bright as the
younger undergraduate students. Although I graduated with a grade point average
of approximately 3.00, I should have had a higher average and would have, had I
had more honest and competent professors as teachers.
When I complained about the abuse or unfairness of my professors or my employers, anywhere I went, I generally was penalized and demeaned or abused all the more until such moment as I either resigned or was fired, usually by a violently out-of-control male boss, for merely complaining about the abuse. I became the perennial scapegoat wherever I hung my hat, as a result of my childhood-adolescent conditioning, including my conditioning as an enlisted man in the Marine Corps Reserve and the Coast Guard. The officers are trained to demean and demoralize enlisted men! It is official policy. Whereas each Coast Guard officer, regardless of rank, was assigned his own private stateroom aboard ship, the enlisted men were caged like sardines in community berthing compartments and they bathed like sardines in tiny 3’ X 3’ or 3’ X 4’ showers, most of them designed to accommodate two men at a time. Don’t ask and don’t tell, although homosexuality was rampant. Those like me who complained about unwanted sexual advances were humiliated, discredited and shipped off to a psych ward, where they were further humiliated, discredited and stigmatized as being “mentally ill.” The cause of the illness, of course, was never the Coast Guard officers in charge, but the mother of the Coastguardsman who complained about the abuse.
The terms straight and gay, as commonly used in the twenty-first century, originated within the gay culture. The term straight is used to designate a male who, while in the public eye, conforms to society’s norms of appropriate male behavior. Unfortunately, society’s absurd views of appropriate male behavior actually reinforce clandestine homosexual behavior.
For instance, (perhaps as a result of
Freudianism) male creativity is popularly viewed by mainstream society and
Hollywood filmmakers as an effeminate or unmanly trait. Yet, evidence reveals
that the overwhelming majority of productive, creative males (many of whom head
the major corporate conglomerates, including Amazon.com and Microsoft) are more
self-confident, more courageous and less submissive than other males, primarily
because they were nurtured and encouraged in their creative endeavors by
parents who did not view male creativity as an “effeminate” trait.
Males reared by confident, non-homophobic
fathers are less inclined as adults to engage in criminally
violent behavior or to develop schizophrenic reactions. Schizophrenic reactions
are most probably the result of being reared by parents or surrogate parents
who have ambivalent or conflicting attitudes regarding human sexuality.
Fist fighting, as well as other forms of
physical brutality, is popularly viewed by mainstream society as a “masculine”
and “heterosexual” trait, yet most professional fighters, career military men
and women, as well as sex offenders were reared by cold, dominant (and often abusive)
mothers, who encouraged male and female aggressiveness. While such men commonly
nurture a sideline career in “womanizing” for appearances sake, they generally
hate women and seek clandestine and promiscuous sexual satisfaction with other
males.
Growing Up in “Heterosexual” America
While going through puberty, I got the idea that every jock in my hometown was obsessed with thoughts of fellating either one another or me. It seemed that every jock in the junior high school boys’ locker room or in the high school football stadium locker room couldn’t keep his eyes off my balls. Some of them couldn’t keep their hands off my balls. They were, as I was later led to believe, very, very normal males, experimenting with homosexual foreplay while passing through puberty, during which time each would learn the necessary social skills for discreetly concealing his homosexual dimension, while marrying a member of the opposite sex and fathering children of his own.
I got the idea that the primary reason males go out for football or any other contact sport is to have a socially acceptable opportunity for male body contact.
You may think I’m joking, but I’m not. Well-educated Jewish and Christian parents urged me to court their daughters. They also urged me to court their sons. Theirs sons seemed to be far more interested in getting me into bed with them than did their daughters.
My introduction to homosexuality, beginning when I was about eleven years old, was a series of attempted seductions, two of which were by the sons of prominent physicians, with whom my own parents socialized. We attended the same schools, churches and the same country club. As I had no sexual feelings for males, I was confused by their attempts to engage me in sex, as I was physically unable to sexually respond to them. I indeed blame the fathers of the two boys for enabling their own sons to attempt to violate me, and possibly to violate others.
Ironically, one of the boys who attempted to molest me remarked to me that his own mother would not allow him to join the high school orchestra (as a violinist) because she had heard a rumor that the orchestra director, whose own father had founded the local YMCA, was a homosexual. The other boy who attempted to engage me in sex, whose stepdad was a urologist and whose paternal granddad was chairman of a federal reserve bank, had previously attended an all-boys school in Kansas City, and was provided with his own apartment, although in the same building as his parents, from the age of 11, an arrangement that facilitated his sexual exploitation of other boys. Because I did not respond to the attempts of either of the two boys to engage me in sex, both of them afterwards attempted to humiliate me in public, as if it was I, not they, who was somewhat off-center.
While I was still in elementary school, two girls, both older than I, came to my home with the two younger brothers of one of them, with the intention of teaching my brother and me how to play Spin The Milk Bottle. Since there were only two girls and four boys, the girls insisted that one of the girls’ younger brothers take turns being “the girl,” by wearing his older sister’s headscarf. Interestingly, following the teaching session, one of the younger boys later grabbed his sister’s scarf off her head, while we were playing Kick The Can outdoors, and ran towards me in an attempt to embrace and kiss me, which is an excellent example of the FACT that male homosexuality is LEARNED behavior. It is also an excellent example of how a female (as a teacher) can orchestrate or facilitate the process.
Interestingly, all of the boys who attempted to engage me in sex were in the habit calling other boys who acted less masculine than I, queers. As a society, we still attempt to confuse male effeminacy with male homosexuality. The TV sitcoms only reinforce the confusion.
At the time I was first approached by the physicians’ sons, I did not really understand the meaning of the term “queer” or “homosexual,” and when others used the term I really did not understand what they were talking about, as I myself had no conscious homosexual feelings. Thus, I gradually began to associate the term “queer” with boys who acted somewhat effeminate or who were not athletically inclined, not with actual homosexuality. The fact is that although virtually all of the so-called heterosexual male friends that I grew up with attempted to engage me in masturbation, I never even attempted to masturbate myself (in private) until I was 20 years old, the first time I ever achieved an orgasm from masturbation.
At the time, I was serving in the Coast
Guard and was extremely frustrated over the fact that the Coast Guard deprived
me of a normal opportunity for socializing with and dating females from my own
educational and socio-economic background. I thus fantasized about females a
lot, females I had dated prior to my enlistment, yet who were away at college,
dating other college men. At the same time, my self-esteem as a male was
slowly withering away as a result of the dehumanizing way I was treated from
the onset by Coast Guard officers and petty officers in charge.
The fact that civilian women showed no
respect for a “common enlisted man” further undermined my self-esteem. If you
weren’t an officer, females generally looked you down on. It was that simple.
Thus, I eventually learned to change from my Coast Guard uniform into civilian
clothes, whenever possible, immediately after leaving a Coast Guard ship or
base. A double standard existed in the Coast Guard, as in any military
organization. Although enlisted men were not permitted to leave a ship
or base in their civilian clothes, Coast Guard officers were permitted
to leave a ship or base in their civilian clothes. In addition, Coast Guard
enlisted men were required to wear short jumpers, which exposed their asses,
while the officers wore tailored coats that covered their buttocks. Regulation!
The enlisted men were thus viewed as male whores. Prior to my honorable
discharge from the Coast Guard at the age of 21, I had also been hospitalized
in three different government hospitals for psychiatric observation as a direct
result of the fact that I had been a victim of molestation by the pedophile
officers in charge of the Coast Guard. I had also become a victim of
molestation by the psychiatrists in charge of
“observing” and “treating” me.
I was molested while serving my country
as a teenager! Even prior to enlisting in the Coast Guard, I was molested
while serving in high school ROTC.
By the time I was a senior in high school, I realized that even girls who were “lookers” and above average in intelligence were extremely ignorant about the nature of male sexuality, or at least appeared to be. A few of the guys that they apparently thought of as the most heterosexual, as the most manly, the most regular, the least effeminate, were for the most part apparently among the most homosexually active males in the high school. However, there is no doubt that those males were bisexual, rather than exclusively homosexual. The more effeminate males, the males who were commonly rumored to be so-called queers, probably couldn’t have gotten laid by another guy if they had wanted to, as even effeminate men, as I now understand, are not attracted to other effeminate men.
What attracts any male in another male, is not male effeminacy, but rather masculinity. Male homosexuality, as I now understand it, is more of attempt by men to reinforce their masculinity, rather than an attempt to suppress their masculinity, although women and society in general attempt to discourage male homosexuality by characterizing it as an effeminate or unmasculine experience, as is revealed in the TV sitcoms.
Most men, probably all men, whether they identify themselves as “straight” or “gay,” detest effeminate men, and do not desire to socialize with either so-called “fag hags,” Lesbians, drag queens, transvestites or transsexuals, or even flamboyantly effeminate males, although new public accommodation laws now forbid even a gay bar to discriminate against anyone. And no man, whether he identifies himself as “straight” or as “gay,” enjoys being dominated by a woman, whether that woman is his wife, his mother or his boss, yet Hollywood still perpetuates the myths that so-called “gay” men prefer the company of their mothers or of mother substitutes.
As a result of repeated attempted sexual seductions or molestations by males who identified themselves as “heterosexual,” I understandably became confused about human sexuality during my adolescent and young adult years. While still a senior in high school, I joined a Marine Corps Reserve platoon leader’s program, a program designed for young men planning on going on to college. However, I quickly became disillusioned with Marine Corps leadership, realizing that the Marines were no different than the two-faced jocks with whom I had grown up. As a result of repeated attempts by males to seduce me and repeated attempts by females to at first lead me on by flirting with me, and then to cut me off, usually by verbally berating me, I began to mistrust the motives of both other men and women.
Sexual
Harassment on the Job
Following my discharge from the Coast Guard, where I was a victim of repeated sexual harassment by my superior officers and shipmates, as well as by civilians, and harassed even more for complaining about the harassment, I continued to be pursued or abducted by other men, including by supervisors where I was employed, as well as by off-duty male police officers that I met at the YMCA gym where I regularly worked out.
I lost a job while I was newly married and while my wife
and I were expecting a baby, merely for complaining to government postal
officials about on-the-job and off-the job harassment by two [Atlantic Coast
Line Railroad] male supervisors, which harassment included mailing suggestive
and offensive gay porno and literature, addressed to my (pregnant) wife and me
at our home. Within minutes after the U.S. postal authorities confronted my
supervisors, I was fired. The resultant loss
of income resulted in the breakup of my marriage. My supervisors and the
general manager who actually terminated me seemingly had no remorse
for what they did to me, to my wife, and to our child, who was not yet born.
I was hired to work in the reservations department of Atlantic Coast Line Railroad in Miami, Florida in 1963. The two supervisors who were harassing me were a Mr. Penner and a Mr. Tidwell, both veteran railroad employees. The ACL general manager who wrongfully fired me was Harry Wright, a middle aged married man. Just prior to my termination, Tidwell intimidated and threatened me publicly by screaming at me in the office (in the presence of customers and other employees), saying, “I’ll get the best Jewish lawyer in Miami and I’ll sue you.”
It bears repeating that it was two U.S. postal authorities that actually confronted and accused Tidwell at his office, not I. Yet I was the one whose life was destroyed by Tidwell and others at Atlantic Coast Line Railroad, as they afterwards misrepresented the facts regarding my wrongful termination by falsely claiming that I “made too many mistakes.” They only mistake I made was reporting my supervisors to the U.S. postal inspectors for harassing and humiliating me.
Both Wright and Tidwell, as I later learned, were well connected with a group of influential Gentile and Jewish businessmen who preyed on disadvantaged, vulnerable and naïve young men in the Miami area, yet Tidwell and his colleagues were for the most part protected through their influence with corruptible individuals (including cops) working within the criminal justice system.
Due
to the risk of contracting a venereal infection or other virus, no
knowledgeable man in his right mind is going to engage himself in oral or anal
sex with another man or woman. Even male-female vaginal intercourse carries
with it a high-risk of contracting an incurable disease. However, as I stated previously, since the outbreak of
AIDS, no man in his right mind would attempt engage himself in sex that involves
the exchange of body fluids with another man or with a woman. Even if
you or your partner withdraws from oral, anal or vaginal sex prior to actual
ejaculation, an incurable virus can infect your body.
The only truly safe and sane sex is masturbation,
preferably in the privacy of your own home!
Historically, selection of sexual partners seemingly has more to do with levels of dominance and the pecking order than it has to do with being either male or female. Dominant, discreet males tend to seek other slightly less or slightly more dominant, discreet males or females as sex partners. \
While serving in the United States Coast Guard as a young man, I got the idea that the primary reason men choose military and police service for a career is because they prefer to sleep, shower, eat and drink with other men, not with women. They also have a seeming lust for violence, including sadistic latent-homosexual behavior. By the way, I was TAUGHT by my superior officers that ALL men are indeed intrinsically bisexual by nature, in the sense that normal males (those who are not victims of aberrant psychological conditioning) are as capable of being erotically stimulated by other males as they are capable of being erotically stimulated by females. They are also as capable of developing romantic feelings for other males as they are capable of developing romantic feelings for females.
As for women, there is not a woman alive that will not tell you she has been cursed, merely by having been born a woman, for having to go through a discomforting monthly menstrual cycle from the onset of puberty until the onset of middle age. As for men, there is not a man alive who will not tell you that the woman’s extremely complicated menstrual cycles are as disturbing to him as they are to her. Why should any man deny her the right to choose whether or not she carry her own fetus to full term?!
The Sambian people of the 20th Century considered the ingesting of semen as a rite of manhood and as necessary in order for boys to develop manliness. Among South American native people, boys and young men were encouraged to sleep together until such time as a young man was prepared and willing to take on the responsibilities of marriage to a woman and the rearing of his own children. Thus, a man had sex with a woman primarily for the purpose of fathering his own children.
Hero worship and homoerotic feelings and fantasies are without a doubt a normal part of the sexual makeup of every man. Ancient Greek culture recognized that fact. In fact, Greek culture considered male homosexuality to be a more manly expression of sexuality than heterosexuality. Spartan warriors spent very little time with the wives, even on their wedding night. Their sexual needs were for the most part fulfilled with their male companions. A Greek man who developed romantic feelings for a woman was considered a weakling. The wife’s function was not that of a sex slave, but to bear and nourish the couple’s children. Her own romantic-sexual pleasures were fulfilled with other women.
The American obsession with the female breast as a sex object is a purely cultural phenomenon, largely created and propagated by Madison Avenue. Men, for the most part, feign interest in a woman’s breasts merely because they have been taught that that such interest is the manly thing to do.
Interestingly, America, which is no doubt the most homophobic nation in the world, also leads the world in artificial breast enhancement surgery. In European nations and in Brazil, where homoeroticism is not viewed as an abnormality, but rather as a normal component of the sexuality of all people, women are more likely to undergo breast reduction surgery rather than breast enhancement surgery. In other words, what the American culture defines as a heterosexual male is largely a class act.
The typical so-called womanizer is not so much interested in women as he is morbidly afraid of being thought of as a so-called homosexual. Beneath the heterosexual image he so desperately seeks to sustain, is a man who utterly detests women. His sexual encounters with women are more of an attempt to humiliate and debase women than to satisfy his most basic sexual desires.
The polarization of human sexuality by Jewish, Christian and
Islamic cultures into dehumanizing and artificial dichotomies such as straight
and gay is perceived to be one of the primary causes of
personality disorganization and violence, including suicide and homicide.
The story of Moses (comprising the first five books of the Old
Testament, also known as The Torah), which is the basis of Jewish folklore and
culture, attempts to discourage male homosexuality by declaring it an
abomination, punishable by death: If a man lies with another man as he
would with a woman, the two have committed an abomination. They shall surely be
put to death. Their blood shall be upon them. Leviticus 20:13.
Christianity, which is merely a branch of Judaism, reinforces irrational, dehumanizing Jewish beliefs in many ways, condemning the recognition or expression of male homoerotic sensations, as well as the recognition or expression of male heteroerotic sensations: Whoever even lusts (feels sexual desire) for a woman, has already committed adultery with her in his heart [Matthew 5:28]. Such double-bind communication is in my opinion at the root of what psychiatry commonly diagnoses as schizophrenia. A male child exposed to such double-bind conditioning is more likely than other children to repress his natural sexual feelings for women, as well as for men, to the point of being unable to enjoy coitus or a romantic relationship with either a woman or another man.
Such conditioning is very likely a contributing factor in crimes of serial murder: they shall surely be put to death . . . their blood shall be upon them.
Modern-day Jewish and Christian cultures have a tendency to
humiliate (search and destroy) those men who admit they are disinterested in
heterosexual coitus, while at the same time humiliating those men who admit
they derive satisfaction from intimacy with other men — by characterizing male
homosexuality as “effeminacy” and by characterizing such males being “confused
over their sexual identities.”
Author Peter Vronsky has documented the psychological
and cultural aspects of serial murder in his publication Serial Killers. In
this publication [p. 172], Vronsky has advanced his own theory to explain a
male’s preference for a sexual partner of the same sex: Most likely the
so-called normal sexual urge of some male children toward the opposite sex is
short-circuited by their ignorance of female anatomy—especially if they have no
female siblings in the family or have not been exposed to full female frontal
nudity in life or in pictorial form (to which males growing up prior to the
1970s would not have been readily exposed). Instead, the male child fills in
his imagination with what he knows best—his own body. He imagines the female
form with the penis and fuses this imagery with his earliest and arguably most
intense sexual sensations. Upon discovering the true form of female genitals,
some males [consequently] react with aversion and continue to associate an
intense desire with their childhood memory of women with male genitals.
The difference between men is merely the various methods
each man uses to sublimate or act out his own homoerotic fantasies. Joining a
Greek fraternity is one method. Joining an all-male athletic club, a mutual
admiration society, is another method. Participation in contact sports and
group sex (in which two or more men engage in sex with one woman) are two of
the most classic methods men use to sublimate or act out their homoerotic
fantasies. However, merely watching all-male contact sports as a spectator or
watching group sex movies are two methods used by an overwhelming majority of
men.
Western Jewish, Christian and Islamic (Muslim) cultures thus condition men to suppress and sublimate their very normal homoerotic sensations. However, the suppression itself generally results in increased levels of self-consciousness and violence among men and towards those women who reinforce barbaric Jewish and Christian attitudes towards sexuality.
Jealous females who do not understand or who cannot accept male sexuality apparently generate much of the self-consciousness. Contrary to popular opinion, male homophobia (an over-reaction to normal male homoeroticism and bonding) in Western cultures is largely generated and perpetuated by jealous females.
Turkish men thus sublimate and deal with
their very masculine and normal homoerotic feelings through the most popular
and most macho national sport of Turkey, Yagli Gures (oil wrestling),
in which two men, dressed in tight-fitting leather pants, immerse themselves in
olive oil, then continuously grapple, for hours or even days on end, until the
two collapse. The sport is also popular in other Mediterranean countries.
During the match, the two participants are permitted to reach down under each
other’s pants and grab ahold his opponent’s flesh, but not in an attempt to
cause pain to the opponent. It is an extremely erotic experience for males of
all ages, especially for the young and virile, perhaps the only acceptable
manner in which Turkish men (as well as other Arab men) can deal with their
masculine homoerotic feelings. However, it is absolutely taboo to refer to Yagli
Gures as a “gay” sport or as a “homosexual” sport, as there is no actual
sexual penetration (oral or anal sex) involved, which is why openly “gay” men
(extremists) from other cultures (including Armenians), who typically confuse male
homoeroticism with unrestrained homosexual activity and with male
effeminacy, are so hated by Turkish men. Oil wrestling is indeed considered to
be the most macho sport of Arab countries. To learn more about the sport, click
on Turkish
Oil Wrestling. Once again, Turkish oil wrestling is NOT a gay sport.
In terms of sexual development, the male is fundamentally self-erotic. Through the process of intimate socialization with both males and females, he normally finds himself stimulated by those males and females who tactilely stimulate his erogenous zones. Boys who attend all-male boarding schools, including military academies, are more likely to be initiated into homosexual practices than are boys who are reared in a household dominated by females, contrary to popular folklore. They are also more likely to develop skills for concealing their homosexuality.
Males who are sexually rejected by females will naturally seek self-erotic or homoerotic outlets for their sex drive. Also, male children or adolescents who have experienced assault and battery by domineering females will more than likely avoid seeking females as sexual partners even in adulthood. In some cases, perhaps in the case of Ted Bundy and Henry Lee Lucas, a male victim of female battery will seek sex with a female only if she is anesthetized or dead, the most probable reason for necrophilia.
Interestingly, although Lucas openly admitted to engaging in sex with both other males as well as with females, Bundy himself, although he abducted and tortured only females, socialized at a gay club while residing in Salt Lake City, to which he even invited his former Seattle government co-workers, when they visited him and a girlfriend, Callie, in Salt Lake City. [The Stranger Beside Me by Ann Rule. 1989. p. 137].
Men who act out their rage against women, typically are men reared by dominant, occasionally violent, man-hating females, in a home where the father is quite understandably absent, especially during the early formative years. Such men also tend to seek the company of other males like themselves, males who do not feel comfortable around women, yet who can supply them with a strong male identity and the masculine nurturing that they so longed for as a child. Although such men may occasionally engage in sexual relations with other men, they are not likely to find themselves comfortable around flamboyantly effeminate men. Lucas’s male companion, Otis Toole, was quite apparently anything but effeminate.
Psychiatrists, both Jewish and Gentile, have
been the traditional henchmen in reinforcing stereotypical myths about human sexuality,
myths that have their origin in ancient, barbaric Jewish folklore and that are
reinforced through superstition (fear of the wrath of a non-existent God).
Psychiatrists, it would seem, thrive on the mere existence of such a
culturally-reinforced superstitious system of belief. Without such a system,
psychiatry would not exist. Only morons believe in God. However, the
overwhelming majority of so-called civilized people indeed are morons,
including many of those who like to think of themselves as geniuses.
Masturbation:
The Mood Stabilizer
Masturbation, which is perhaps the healthiest and safest method for relieving sexual impulses, is still discouraged, even by heads of state, including former President Clinton, of all people, who replaced a Surgeon General merely for very responsibly advising single people, especially adolescents, to substitute masturbation for actual intercourse.
Masturbation, if not carried to excess, is also a very natural and effective mood stabilizer. Men, especially single men, who regularly masturbate in the privacy of their own homes before going out into the world are more likely to be calmer and more self-assured than are men who are dependent on the complicity (and/or whims) of another individual (male or female) for relieving their sexual tensions. Masturbation also carries with it an absolute guarantee against contracting herpes or any other sexually transmitted disease.
I myself have never been able to obtain any kind of sexual gratification while wearing a constricting condom, which for me is like applying a tourniquet to the penis. Given the risk (1) of contracting a venereal virus or (2) of creating a child for which you are unable to provide and nourish, the only safe and sane alternative for obtaining sexual relief would be masturbation. It is my impression, based on my own conversations with other men, that the overwhelming majority of men feel the same as I. As for using designer drugs to enhance sexual performance, it is my opinion those men who use such drugs are most likely men who are married to demanding, domineering, yet sexually undesirable women.
By the way, zinc naturally enhances testosterone production and normal male sexual function and can be purchased in any drug store without a prescription. Men who smoke, drink or take mood-altering drugs generally suffer from a severe deficiency of zinc. A zinc deficiency can contribute to a depressed mood, as well as to prostate enlargement or prostate cancer. However, experts advise that a mature man can safely handle up to 50 mgs. Of zinc supplements daily. Seafood, of all varieties, and nuts are excellent nutritional sources of zinc. Oysters, by the way, are extremely high in zinc, the reason oysters were viewed throughout the ages as an aphrodisiac. However, fresh fruits and vegetables also have traces of zinc.
For more information about zinc read Doctor Yourself: Natural Healing That Works, written by Dr. Saul, a specialist in natural healing and The Testosterone Syndrome, written by two other specialists.
While I was a seventeen-year-old high school senior, Marine Corps
recruiters were invited to my high school by the principal. During an assembly,
the recruiters attempted to encourage us to enlist in a Marine Corps Reserve
platoon leader program. Although I was only 17 years old (still going through
puberty), my mother signed papers, giving her permission for me to enlist.
During my indoctrination, other members of my Marine Corps platoon and I were
given a lecture on How to Roll a Queer.
Corporal Harmon, a college student, who was our Marine Corps
platoon leader, explained that we would soon be undergoing two weeks of annual
training at Camp Pendleton in Southern California. He explained that there were
a lot of “queers” (his term) in California, and that he himself had learned how
to make extra money during his free time (since the U.S. government did not pay
Marine recruits very well). He suggested we seek out “queers,” then go home
with them, and while engaging in sex with them to remove their wallets from
their hip pockets. However, it was my
impression that Corporal Harmon was just as “queer” as the men he was robbing.
During training at Camp Pendleton it was implied by male Marine
Corps officers, some of whom had obviously bleached their own hair, that any
man who would be unwilling to ram a bayonet into another human being was not
worthy of being called a man, much less a Marine.
I was thus taught by my Marine Corps
leaders the three essentials of being a man: (1) how to act like a queer; (2)
how to rob another man; and (3) how to ram a bayonet into another human being
without feeling so much as a pang of remorse.
After completing a year of college as an honor student, I
requested permission to transfer to the Navy Reserve. However, I was told by a
snearing, yet lisping, limp-wristed Navy officer: “If you can’t take the Marine
Corps, we don’t want you either.”
I thus decided that the Navy officer was as “queer” and two-faced
as Corporal Harmon. God only knows how many civilians he had simultaneously
fellated and robbed! I served my active duty with the Coast Guard.
During my active duty with the Coast Guard, I was subjected to classroom indoctrination promoting rectal sex. I was at the time an 18-year-old teenage seaman recruit. I, as were other members of my company, was taught by a Coast Guard instructor that rectal-anal sexual intercourse was a “healthy and preferable alternative to coitus.” I was told: “the rectum is the cleanest organ in the human body.”
Rectal intercourse, as I later learned, is in fact a very dangerous and unhealthy way for expressing sexual feelings between two men or between a man and woman. Rectal intercourse can indeed result in not only rectal hemorrhaging, but in the spread of many, many viral infections, including hepatitis, gonorrhea, syphilis and AIDS.
Due to the permissive atmosphere that existed aboard ship, including the distribution of alcohol beverages aboard the Cutter Planetree by my Coast Guard commander, I afterwards became a victim of assault and battery and of repeated sexual harassment (various forms of sexual assault) by my supervisors and officers, as well as by other seamen. When I complained, I was harassed even more.
After I complained to my cousin-in-law Senator Barry Goldwater (whose wife and my mother were cousins) about how I was treated by the anally fixated Coast Guard, two queer Secret Service agents knocked on my door and attempted to threaten and intimidate me. Because they asked me if I was a “homosexual,” I understandably assumed the two of them desired to fellate me. When I said No, the hungry “queer” agents continued to stalk me. They even put horny, queer FBI agents on my trail.
I figured the Commander-in-Chief was also queer. His recruiters sold me a phony bill of goods. I was betrayed by my country. Eisenhower was Commander-in-Chief while I was serving my country. Nixon (Tricky Dick) was Commander-in-Chief at the time I was stalked and intimidated by the Secret Service. Senator Goldwater later suggested, since the Department of Defense is a queer organization anyway that so-called sexual orientation not be a factor. The only requirement for membership in the Armed Services, according to Senator Goldwater, should be the ability to “shoot straight.” Many of America’s most well-known mass murders and serial killers, in including Timothy McVeigh, Jeffrey Dahmer, Dean Corll, Gary Heidnik, Arthur Shawcross, were indoctrinated or trained by the Armed Services. Eric Harris and others were the sons of career military officers, many of whom also proudly displayed their guns in their homes.
One of Senator Goldwater’s grandsons, Ty Ross, later publicly announced [in a 1994 interview with Kevin Sessums, who write for POZ, an HIV tabloid, as well as for Vanity Fair] that he was HIV positive and that his first overt sexual experience was at the age of fifteen (about 1980). His sex partner allegedly was a 30-year-old Army captain who was visiting his mother, Joanne, and his stepfather. According to Ross, he and the Army captain got it on in the captain’s pick-up truck while making a beer run to a Lake Powell convenience store. At the time Ross was on vacation from New Mexico Military Institute. The following year he entered a private school in Austria. Ross also revealed that he is HIV positive. Joanne Goldwater has been quoted in the press as saying that both she and her son smoke pot and that she sees nothing wrong with it.
Joanne Goldwater’s brother, Barry Jr., reportedly admitted to undercover FBI agents that he himself used cocaine, a contraband drug, while he was serving in Congress as a Representative from California. Others who used cocaine were branded felons and permanently stripped of many of their civil rights. However, an exception was made in Congressman Barry Goldwater Jr.’s case. He was not charged, although he was defeated in his bid to capture a Senate seat in 1984. Nevertheless, he is now eligible to collect a fat Congressional retirement pension. In 1972, when I phoned his office in Los Angeles for personal advice (as a relative, not as a constituent), he sent two Secret Service agents to my home in Hollywood, who stalked, threatened and intimidated me, telling me to never again even attempt to contact any member of his family. The fact is, I had never even spoken to him. I had merely phoned his office and spoken to his secretary, Miss Phillips, asking her to have him please phone me. He never phoned me, he instead sent a couple of scumbag Secret Service agents to rough me up, to intimidate me.
To this day, I fail to understand why my own cousin was acting so strange, other than, as was later revealed, he was a drug addict and cocaine is known to create a paranoid schizophrenic personality. Thus, it is my opinion that Congressman Barry Goldwater Jr. was indeed suffering from a serious and dangerous mental disorder. It was later revealed to me that in about 1991 he was finally pressured by other family members to enter a drug-rehabilitation clinic in Arizona. I might add that the two Secret Service agent that came to my home indeed appeared to be on cocaine. They indeed violated my rights. I had done nothing to warrant such action by them. Scumbag Goldwater afterwards, after having violated my own privacy, initiated the Federal Privacy Act in order to protect himself from such abuse by police agents. The agents told me they had orders from Senator Goldwater and Representative Goldwater to “lock me up,” but that if I would address two envelopes to President Nixon in two empty unsealed envelopes that they would not lock me up on an “extortion charge.” I asked them how in the world they could do that. I even showed them copies of most of my correspondence to and from the Goldwaters over the years to reveal there was never any attempt on my part to extort anything from anyone. As a matter of fact, it was the Goldwaters and the Secret Service Agents who were guilty of extortion They, of course, violated my rights.
Under their stated threat and intimidation of locking me up if I failed to address the envelopes, I reluctantly complied under extreme fear and duress, and thus addressed the two envelopes with a pencil one of the two handed me. Previous to ordering me to address the envelopes, they had handed me another piece of paper and instructed me to draw a family tree to show how I was related to the Goldwaters, which I did. I also explained that my mother was indeed the beneficiary of a small trust fund established for her by Grace Johnson Davis, my mom’s first cousin and Peggy’s aunt. My wife and I had been guests at Grace’s home (8 South Lake Trail*) in Palm Beach in 1964, the year Senator Goldwater ran for president against LBJ. Mom and Peggy corresponded by mail fairly regularly over the years and Peggy even had invited my mom to visit them in Phoenix in her last letter to my mom.
I might add that I had received numerous letters from Senator Goldwater over the years, always in response to my own letters. At the end of each of his letters, he always thanked me for writing and sent his best wishes, which shows you how cocaine can affect someone’s mind, as there is no doubt in my own mind that Congressman Barry Goldwater Jr. was dangerously paranoid and out of contact with reality as a result of his cocaine use at the time he ordered the Secret Service to stalk and intimidate me. It is my opinion that if anyone should have been locked up, it should have been scumbag Barry Goldwater Jr. and the two scumbag Secret Service agents that he employed to invade my own privacy and violated my rights as an American citizen and veteran. The agents even asked me if I was “still using drugs” and if I was “a homosexual.” The point is I never did voluntarily use contraband drugs. It was Barry Goldwater and other members of his immediate family, as we now know, that were using all kinds of contraband drugs, including marijuana and cocaine.
Senator Barry Goldwater, by the way, did NOT write The Conscience of a Conservative, the 1960 bestseller that his name is attached to as the book’s author. The book was actually created and penned by Brent Bozell, editor of the National Review and brother-in-law of Senator William F. Buckley Jr. Senator Barry Goldwater’s own IQ was revealed by Staunton Military Academy high school records to have been 103. He dropped out of Arizona University before the end of his first year. It is not likely that Goldwater himself even had the intellectual capability to understand the economic concepts that were presented in the book. As for myself, my own IQ tested at 117 when I was a 14-year-old sophomore in high school. It tested at 120 my freshman year of college, and it tested at 124 at the time I was discharged from the Coast Guard in 1960.
My cousin-in-law Senator Goldwater later revealed in an autobiography titled Goldwater, which was actually edited by Jack Casserly, that he “regretted that he did not finish college” and that he “did not have a better understanding of economics” than he had. Both Senator Goldwater and his son, my own third cousin, were and are frauds. They were also scoundrels in having me, a U.S. Veteran, stalked, intimidated and threatened by Secret Service agents, merely for asking for their personal advice and assistance. Senator Barry Goldwater’s money was inherited from his own parents and from the parents of his wife, Peggy, whose dad (my mom’s cousin) and uncle founded and headed the Borg-Warner Corporation. Senator Goldwater’s, or his alter ego Brent Bozell’s basic message in The Conscience of a Conservative was that “welfare should be the responsibility of families, not the Federal government.” Yet the Goldwaters were not even willing to sit down and talk with me in a civil manner when I requested an opportunity to do so at a time when I myself had no one else to turn to. In fact, a very prominent Beverly Hills lawyer, Shelly Andelson, was the one who initially urged me to contact Barry Goldwater Jr. in 1971 as a result of the fact that I had been a victim of a mean-spirited act. My food/drink had been spiked with LSD at a dinner party I attended in Los Angeles on December 12, 1970 precisely because I was know to not be a drug user and because I was so opposed to the idea of using drugs. I also had a frightening reaction to the drug. The fact is that I had never before even experimented with marijuana or any other drug.I was squeaky clean on that issue. Everyone that knew me knew that to be the case.
A Jewish real estate investment broker, David Zone, who told me he himself had made a significant financial contrbution to Goldwater’s campaign and who told me he had also attended a backyard barbeque hosted by Goldwater at his Los Angeles home, later also urged me to contact Barry Goldwater Jr., in August 1972, which is why I phoned Goldwater’s office to make an appointment when Goldwater instead phoned the Secret Service. The reason I phoned his office was because I was being considered for a position as an assistant planner with the planning department of the City of Beverly Hills and was concerned about being disqualified because of a psychiatric history that began while I was serving in the Coast Guard. In fact, I was disqualified, although I was never given an official reason for the disqualification. At the time, I myself was living in Hollywood, which was out of Goldwater’s Congressional district. However, the two men who urged me to contact him were residents of Goldwater’s district. They had both, I repeat, financially contributed to Goldwater’s campaign.
Years later, January 1986, while I was a patient in the West Los Angeles VA Hospital (in Brentwood) I was introduced to a veteran by the name of Costello, who convinced me that he indeed was a close friend of Barry Goldwater Jr’s. Costello, a highly intelligent, youthful, physically strong, well proportioned and very good looking man, bragged to me and to other veterans, including our mutual friend, handsome, youthful, intelligent Jim Hudson, a former Air Force officer, that he was collecting a 100 percent VA disability pension for bipolar disorder and a related cocaine addiction. Costello proposed a plan for the three of us to go into business together manufacturing figerglass sleeping compartments to be installed in airports. However, the next day Costello treated Hudson to cocktails at a Brentwood lounge, which resulted in Hudson being transferred to a different “lock up” ward on his return to the hospital.
I got really embittered upon realizing that Costello, a veteran who had much, much more than I did going for himself was getting a 100 percent disability pension for a claimed service-connected disability, related to cocaine use, yet I, a victim of ongoing service-connected sexual harassment and assault and battery, yet whose only drug of choice had been legal over-the-counter alcohol, sanctioned by the Coast Guard, was getting nothing and that I was homeless and virtually destitute! It was also interesting to me that Costello was not only receiving a $1,700 a month VA disability pension, enabling him to live as a virtual millionaire in 1986, but that he was also so in-tight with Goldwater, and that the two of them were apparently ongoing contraband drug users.
Class Action Lawsuit Considered
I myself never had any desire to voluntarily engage in rectal
intercourse, although a number of men whom I was attracted to in one way or
another attempted to coerce me into doing so while I was still a naïve, virile, impressionable young man
back in the 1960s, mostly physically fit, health-conscious, young Jewish and
Catholic physicians, lawyers, cops and entrepreneurs, then in their early or
mid 30s, most of whom I met while working out at the Miami YMCA, long before
the AIDS epidemic even surfaced. However, the idea of rectal intercourse never
appealed to me. I also dated and became romantically involved with lots of
women over the years. However, I also endured a lot of rejection by women,
mainly because I did not inherit any wealth and I was never able to accumulate
any personal wealth as a result of my mental problems. Many women cannot accept
the fact real men, normal men, indeed occasionally find themselves attracted to
certain other men, usually carbon copies of themselves in many ways. Yet I
believe that those same women most probably find themselves attracted to
certain other women for the same reasons. If we, as members of the human race
could accept that fact, we would probably be much happier people. Repression is
perhaps the root of much evil!
Every once in a while I will experience two ecstatically romantic
dreams in the same night, one with another dude, then one with a lady. I can
honestly say that I have no preference other than for someone who is decent,
real and romantically inclined. Only the gentle are truly strong. I like
ladies, soft-spoken, intelligent, elegant ladies, the type, of course, who can
appreciate and even fall in love with someone like me. I never really liked
one-night stands. The funny thing is that I don’t really think I am any
different than any other man. I think I am very normal, and very healthy, in
that respect. It is my opinion that virtually all of us are so brainwashed from
childhood, that we are virtually incapable of sharing our love, of sharing our
sensitivity, of allowing ourselves to be our real selves, our total selves. We
are taught to repress our most human instincts, which is why we are often so
miserable. That is what I think.
However, as a result of the fact that I was indeed misled by Coast
Guard training officers on the subject of rectal intercourse and also violated
by my shipmates in many other ways while serving my country, I am considering
initiating a class action lawsuit against the U.S. government. The claim is on
behalf of all Coastguardsmen who were indoctrinated into rectal sex practices
at the Cape May, New Jersey training facility during the 1950s or before or
after that date and in behalf of all Coastguardsmen who were served alcoholic
beverages at Coast Guard installations. I am seeking a $5 million
compensatory payment to every Coastguardsman who was subjected to pro rectal
sex indoctrination and who was offered or served alcoholic beverages at any
U.S. government military base or aboard a Coast Guard vessel.
I myself was only 18 years old when I was exposed to official Coast
Guard classroom promotion of rectal/anal sex. I was 19 years old when I
was assaulted and battered by an intoxicated shipmate who had been served
alcoholic beverages during a ship’s party hosted by the C.G. Cutter Planetree’s
captain, Lt. Commander Bush, while we were anchored offshore in the South
Pacific. I was 20 years old when I was first hospitalized (in two different
government psychiatric hospitals) by the Coast Guard for psychiatric observation
as a result of the aberrant psychological conditioning to which I was exposed
by the U.S. government. I was 21 years old when I was hospitalized for the
second time by the Coast Guard, then discharged for a psychiatric disability,
yet denied a service-connected pension to support myself.
Psychiatry is a fraud, which is designed to exploit and discredit
(not help) the patient and frequently
utilized to protect the U.S. government from blame for having stripped a young
male of his self-esteem.
I was molested while serving my country. I was betrayed by my country.
SUGGESTED FURTHER READING:
Are We Training Our Kids to
Kill?
By Lt. Col. Dave Grossman, West Point professor.
Lt.
Col. Grossman’s Killology Website:
The James Dean Story: a myth-shattering
biography of an icon by Ronald Martinetti
http://www.americanlegends.com/bookstore/deanstory/intro.html
Matthew Shepard and Compulsory Heterosexuality: Review of a story appearing in the September 1999 issue of Harper’s Magazine.
http://www.glaad.org/action/al_archive_detail.php?id=1502
Ty Ross Comes Clean. Senator Barry Goldwater’s
grandson, Ty Ross, tell his story to Kevin Sessums.
http://www.poz.com/articles/261_1863.shtml
Homosexuality: An Overview of Human
Sexuality by Wikipedia, the popular online
encyclopedia. Wikipedia explores the various historical perspectives on
homosexuality and heterosexuality. The 21-page document reflects the viewpoint
that homoeroticism (as opposed to unrestrained homosexuality) is a biologically
normal and universal sexual response, but that as a result of Jewish,
Christian and Islamic intolerance, people in modern-day Western cultures are
afraid of being honest with themselves about their feelings and their
experiences. The Ancient Greeks, Persians, South Sea Islanders, Buddhists and
Non-Jewish, Non-Christian, Non-Muslim peoples have always viewed homoeroticism
as a normal component of the sexuality of all males. Homoerotic experiences are
thus viewed and accepted as normal, masculine experiences. In fact, male
homoerotic arousal is probably more fundamentally masculine than is male hetero-erotic arousal.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Homosexuality
Going the Other Way by Billy Bean
Published in 2003
Religion
gives people an excuse to mistreat others and then seek refuge in the church’s
teachings – Billy Bean
Billy Bean’s father, a Mormon, left his mother and him right after his
birth in order to go on an extended field mission for the Church, from which he
never returned. His mother characterized Billy as “the man of the family,” a
measure that reinforced his self-esteem. She also bought him a Superman costume
and encouraged him to read. The father of a neighbor boy, Tommy, introduced him
to Little League baseball and encouraged him.
When he was five, Billy’s mother had a brief [one year] marriage to
a Santa Ana police officer, which ended in divorce, although the brief marriage
provided Billy with a half-brother. When he was nine, Billy’s mother married a
police sergeant, who provided Billy with two step brothers, a step sister and
another half-brother.
Billy reveals that he constantly daydreamed about having a dad,
while observing the warm father-son relationships that other boys his own age
enjoyed. Not having a dad around during his early life was a real void in Billy
Bean’s life.
One of his mother’s jealous suitors commented along the way, “The
boy [Billy] will never grow up to be a man.” This type of remark, a form of
rejection, can significantly alter a male child’s self esteem and self-image
and is the type of remark that can push a male child into an extremist
homosexual lifestyle. [Men (or women) who make such remarks, which are designed
to undermine the male child’s self-esteem, should be considered child
molesters.]
Bean was an outstanding Little League celebrity at a young age. He
not only was Santa Ana High School’s ace quarterback, he was also the
valedictorian of his class. He dreamed about baseball, walked baseball and
talked baseball. He went on to play pro baseball with in the big leagues – with
the Detroit Tigers, the Los Angeles Dodgers and the San Diego Padres between
1987 and 1995. A southpaw, an outfielder and a slugger, with a batting average
of .226, Bean won the respect not only of his fans, but of his fellow players,
whom he partied with and balled with along the way.
While he was a teenager, Billy’s mother later went to work for the
Santa Ana police department as an investigator in order to support the family.
In this book, Going the Other Way, Bean talks about
his love of baseball, basketball and football, his intimate relationships with
women, as well as with men. He talks about his brief marital experience with
Anna and his intimate relationships with two other men, one of whom he now
shares his life and work. Bean also makes commentaries about how professional
baseball and football players typically deal with their sexuality by occasionally
engaging in group sex, often with one single token female, and by parading
around together naked, in a seeming attempt to excite one another in the locker
rooms and showers.
Not having had a dad was a major void in Bean’s early life, a void
he ultimately compensated for when, after becoming a major league baseball
player, he found companionship, first in Sam, who eventually died, then with
Efrain.
Former Yankee pitcher Jim Bouton (Ball Four),
characterizes Billy Bean’s story as “candid, generous and courageous. It adds a
new dimension to the world of sports literature. Nice going, Billy.”
“For his participation during his high school years, Jimmy was presented with awards for dramatics, art, and athletics.
“For years the people of Fairmont [Indiana] would gossip about what Jimmy was supposed to have said when on February 8, 1949, his eighteenth birthday, he reported to the local draft board. Was there a reason why he shouldn’t be drafted? One board official was said to have asked. Yes, there was, Jimmy answered. But his reason had nothing to do with his poor eyesight or his Quaker religion, either of which could have prevented him from being drafted. Jimmy had a different reason. ‘You can’t draft me,’ he said. ‘I’m a homosexual.’ [This is, of course, pure conjecture or gossip. Who knows?!]
“On June 15, 1949, the Winslows took Jimmy to the train station in Marion. They put him on a train, waved good-bye, and watched as he started on the journey that would take him to his father out west. A new life lay ahead for Jimmy. His life in Indiana was over.
Dean would eventually make headlines by starring in such Hollywood films as East of Eden, Rebel Without a Cause and Giant.
“By the spring of 1955, Jack Simmons was living with James Dean, or rather James Dean was living with Jack Simmons. Jimmy had rented a place in the hills near West Hollywood—the homosexual neighborhood in Los Angeles—but he often stayed at Jack’s apartment because it was closer to the studios. It would be hard to establish exactly when Jimmy and Jack became lovers. Jack would tell friends that he was going to spend the rest of his life doing whatever Jimmy wanted him to do.
“On Saturday, October 1, 1955, the banner headlines of the Marion Leader-Tribune read “James Dean is Killled in Automobile Wreck.
Live Fast—Die Young: My Life With James Dean by John Gilmore
Gilmore reveals his own alleged “experimental” sexual relationship with Dean, a former high school first string baseball and basketball jock, while the two of them were somewhat destitute actors in New York City. He also talks about Dean’s use of marijuana and booze, his fascination with motorcycles and fast cars, and his relationships with or opinions of other men (including alleged ambi-sexuals Brando and Clift), as well as with and of women. Sex, according to Gilmore, came to be used as a tool by Dean in order to gain acceptance and “emotional” support from other men and women. It probably is for most people, although most people are not likely to admit as such.
The probability that Dean was abandoned by his own father at he age of 9 (when his mother died) and was thus sexually exploited by other male authority figures, whom he sought out as father-figures, including by the Rev. James DeWeerd, a decorated war hero and Methodist minister, who took Dean to the YMCA to swim naked and who, following Dean’s death, reportedly bragged about having had a sexual involvement with Dean, may have been the underlying factor in Dean’s ongoing rebellion against middle class pretensions and against overbearing authority figures such as director Lee Strasberg, whose opinions he reportedly characterized as “mostly hot air and hog shit.”
Dean’s oft-reported reckless, self-destructive behavior typifies
the behavior of young men who are victims of parental rejection and sexual
exploitation by others.
Montgomery Cift: a biography by Patricia Bosworth
Film actor Monty Clift is revealed by Bosworth as a man who
was romantically and/or sexually responsive to both other men and to women.
Although Clift is probably no different than any other man in this respect, he
was no doubt exploited as a child model and actor by indulging agents, producers,
etc. His mother, Sunny, who was adopted soon after her birth, later learned
that she was the biological granddaughter of U. S. Postmaster Montgomery Blair
and of Union Commander Robert Anderson. Monty himself would occasionally curse
the Blair family as “sons of bitches” over the fact that they never recognized
his mother as their own flesh and blood. Monty himself, who spent a great deal
of his youth in Paris, where homosexuality was not condemned, allegedly was
exploited throughout his acting career in America as a result of Hollywood’s
ambivalent attitude towards human sexuality and as a result of the gossipy
tabloids that tend to sensationalize and exploit sexuality. Clift allegedly had
numerous romantic involvements with both females and males. However, were the
truth known, he was probably no different than any other man in that respect.
It’s just that the homosexual side of Monty Clift has been revealed,
whereas the perhaps well-guarded, well-suppressed homosexual side of other
rugged individualists has not been revealed. It’s not politically
expedient.
The Die Song: A Journey Into
The Mind Of A Mass Murderer by Donald T. Lunde (a psychiatrist) and Jefferson
Morgan
This is a true account of the life of Herbert Mullen, who was reared in a relatively typical middle class home by seemingly normal parents, an attentive Catholic mother and an attentive Ex-Marine father, who taught him how to box when he was a child. Herbert attended Catholic parochial elementary schools, then a public high school, where he excelled in athletics, was voted “most likely to succeed,” then received a degree in highway engineering at a community college and designed a small tourist information bureau. At the age of 21 he developed all of the classic signs of schizophrenia, after having been introduced to LSD and marijuana by a former high school football chum. Meanwhile he became a semi-professional boxer. While attempting to grapple with his newly discovered homosexual inclinations, he simultaneously became conflicted over the dilemma of whether to enlist in the Marines or to become a conscientious objector. After experimenting with Buddhism, he became a conscientious objector and went to work for Goodwill Industries. Then, as a result of pressures from his fiancée’s father, he attempted to enlist in the Marines, although he was rejected as a result of his past experience with drugs and psychiatry. He was also wrestling with his sexuality, breaking off his engagement to a childhood sweetheart as he began experimenting with homosexuality. Soon after, he was charged with the murder of eleven people, all virtual strangers except for a Catholic priest and the guy who had introduced him to LSD and marijuana. Today he sits at San Quentin prison, as a result of a life sentence he was given in 1973 for the murder of 10 people. Recommended reading.
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